Femy

Dear Sweet K

Have you heard of the river that swallows lovers here? I doubt you have. Even Raisin Bran’s mouth does not run that fast. Listen, right now, I am your Usain Bolt. I am telling you everything as fast as I can reach the finish line. Lest Raisin Bran beats me to it. Lest he spices everything up to a mixed masala pulp. Lest he sprinkles shades of truth in there. You know Raisin Bran can do that right, and when later you tell people he did that, and they ask him why he did that, he just wipes his mouth, washes his hands and acts all sweet, like the real dried raisin in him should be. Like nothing ever happened and you just made all of this up and everything dirty sticks on you like head lice, don’t you? You know head lice want your blood, like everyone will if they think you made this up right? So, allow me, to be the one who tells you.
Have you been to that raging river? That river were lovers drown but none ever float. That river were everyone is weighed down like you and me. No one knows how heavy they really weigh. The scales are screwed, unbalanced. They don’t calibrate well and when you try to balance them they slide you down. They slide you down, into that treacherous river that meanders like a slithering snake searching for bleeding lovers.
The river runs from the top left corner of Laventille through the thick carpet of the savannah. When it reaches Tunapuna it just nibbles on the rocks, kissing them ever so lightly like it is not that eager to engage in a scandalous French kiss with the stony hard rocks. It waits there: comfortably, patiently, feeling the rocks, playfully teasing. It seems sometimes, it does not want to make out. It seems to be shy, struggling with intimate affection especially in everyone’s presence. This river reminds me of you. Its heart is trembling inside. Fearful for what is to come.

A few things i want this accent to tell you

When my accent cannot say the things my words mean
Remember
I do no apologize for things i have no control over
I do not sink into hiding my own identity
Because the clicks in my own tongue
Do not agree to playing hide and seek
My voice was not meant for this
to insist on walking through life quietly
My voice,my voice has always been a thunderclap
causing storms in unsettled men
men who cant fathom that we all
have
accents

My gratitude list-inspired by an article tittled 99 things I'm grateful for,by brett

My Gratitude List-a few things im grateful for :)

1. I’m grateful I have a computer of my own, debt free so I can write this post.

2. I’m grateful I have the choice to choose my religion or God.

3. I’m grateful that I am in good health and i do what i want when i want with whomever i chose without any limitations and i have made good choices so far.

4. I’m grateful that I can pay my bills, i can pay my rent and i can blog in the safety of my place at 223am about what m grateful for.

5. I’m grateful that I am from a household that has encouraged me to develop my talents and i have had the freedom to choose my own path.

6. I’m grateful that I am from a household where reading was encouraged, because I think I owe a lot of my success to that.I am grateful that my dad and mom recognised my love to read at a young age and  bought me a lot of my toys in the form of mind stimulating books and puzzles.

7. I’m grateful that my decisions and choices are trusted and respected.

8. I’m grateful that I can hear well and see well; well i use spectacles but im still grateful i can see.

9. I’m grateful for my health.

10. I’m grateful that all the injuries I’ve ever sustained in my life have been relatively minor, im grateful i have never had a life threatening accident or ever been extremely sick.

11. I’m grateful for my talents in school,and that i have always done well in all my major exams,and when i had to try again i succeeded.

12. I’m thankful that I am from a country where human rights are upheld-well most :).

13. I’m grateful that I have the ability to connect with a bunch of amazing people via services like Facebook and skype.I am grateful that even though i am shy and find it hard to make friends in real life i still have a few really great life long friends who came up to me and cracked the shyness away.

14. I’m grateful that I live in a relatively peaceful area,and all the violence i have heard of i have not encountered.

15. I’m grateful for my unlimited access to free clean water,within the boundary of my home.

16. I’m grateful for living in an air-conditioned  home.

17. I’m grateful i have never had to go a day without food my entire life 

18. I’m grateful for my family. They’re kind of crazy and a little annoying at times, but I love them because they are good supportive and genuinely caring people.

19. I’m grateful that I was raised right and am a generally good person at heart because of it.

20. I’m grateful for all the times i have come home tired because it shows i did something that day.

21. I’m grateful for my metabolic state,i dont exercise much or diet much but my BMI is still good,im grateful i have time to exercise if i want to.

22. I’m grateful for my ability to learn things and understand them.

23. I’m grateful that I live in a society where I am free to choose my occupation.

24. I’m grateful that I live in a society where I am free to choose who I associate with and who I end up marrying – or if I get married at all.

25. I’m grateful that if I got sick, my family would be able to afford the medications that I’d need to get better.

26. I’m grateful that I have a wonderful boyfriend whom i totally adore.

27. I’m grateful for the realization that I can choose to feel whole, with or without a boyfriend.

28. I’m grateful that there ARE good people in this world who genuinely care about the well being of others.

29. I’m grateful for all those cool “Ah-ha!” moments that have been so important to my personal growth over the years.

30. I’m grateful that I’ve made the right decision hundreds of times.

31. I’m grateful that I’ve made the wrong decision thousands of times, and learned from them.

32. I’m grateful that I can fail at many things and it won’t have any real lasting consequences.

33. I’m grateful that I got into UWI medical school and have managed to enter y final lap.

34. I’m grateful that, when I’ve been true to myself, I’ve succeeded; and that when I’ve not been true to myself, I’ve failed and i have learnt soo much about my strengths and weaknesses.

35. I’m grateful that vulnerability is actually a sign of strength, and that authenticity is celebrated.

36. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to write poetry,short stories and have had a positive audience.

37. I’m grateful that I know I’ll be able to make my dreams come true… It’s only a matter of ‘when’, not ‘if’.

38. I’m grateful that I have online sermons to listen to when im done anytime of the day.

39. I’m grateful that I’ve been around a lot of great influencers over the years… Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

40. I’m grateful that I’ve learned to be okay with my own weakness.

41. I’m grateful that there are thousands of people who are trying to make a positive difference in the world – and are succeeding.

42. I’m grateful that I can choose whether to eat healthily and unhealthily and i have the discipline most of the time to do the right thing.

43. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to write this post undisturbed.

44. I’m grateful for my 25years i have been on this earth.

45. I’m grateful for all that the public education system has done for me, even though I sometimes secretly wish i could have attended a private school.

46. I’m grateful for the Internet – without it, I really don’t know where I’d be in my life. Honestly. It has influenced me more than anything else – in incredibly positive ways.

47. I’m grateful i have enough to survive.

48. I’m grateful that people I’ve never met can comment on my work.

49. I’m grateful for the opportunity to communicate and entertain people with my work .

50. I’m grateful for all the suffering I’ve gone through, since it’s made me appreciate everything so much more.

51. I’m grateful that my parents are alive.

52. I’m grateful that my parents are still married in this day and age when divorces are so rampant.

53. I’m grateful that I’m constantly learning that life is a lifelong process of learning.

54. I’m grateful that I have everything I need – food, clothes, shelter…and even a bit of luxury

55. I’m grateful that I’m living in the best period in the history of human existence – more people have a standard of living that simply blows away every other part of human history.

56. I’m grateful that I live in a capitalist economy, for all its faults and shortcomings.

57. I’m grateful that I have, for the most part, good habits.

58. I’m grateful that like-minded people can get together without anyone stopping them (at least, in this country).

59. I’m grateful that I’ve learned that I no longer have much to fear from life.

60. I’m grateful that I’m alive.

61. I’m grateful that I’ve been blessed with good genes, overall.

62. I’m grateful that I am who I am, and that I’m nobody else.

63. I’m grateful that there are people who care about me.

64. I’m grateful that I could start my own business today if I wanted to.

65. I’m grateful that people can tell when people are being honest and genuine (most of the time).

66. I’m grateful ti have friends i care about and who care about me.

67. I’m grateful that I have the time to just sit and meditate or think about things.

68. I’m grateful that I’m mentally healthy.

69. I’m grateful that I am not involved with drugs in any way.

70. I’m grateful that I can order nearly any good I want and have it delivered to my door within a couple weeks at the most, thanks to the Internet.

71. I am grateful for the 'buff' my lecturers give,it makes me work harder :)

72. I’m grateful for all the help I’ve gotten over the years – even when I haven’t asked for it.

73. I’m grateful that i have travelled to soo many countries in such a short span of time.

74. I’m grateful that I can listen to music while I work… Without needing musicians in the same room as me. Digital music is truly awesome.

75. I’m grateful that I have a nice house mate i get along with very well.

76.I am grateful happiness is a choice.

77. I’m grateful that many people are forgiving.

78. I’m grateful that I’ll be able to sit back and say, “Life is good,” when today’s over.

79. I’m grateful for death, since it makes life so much more meaningful.

80. I’m grateful that phones exist and i can talk to my loved ones even when im oceans away.

81. I’m grateful that I live in a country where people welcome foreigners and xenophobia does not exist.

82. I’m grateful that I am a thinker at heart.

83. I’m grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had so far in my life.

84. I’m grateful that I’ve always put in the hard work when I’ve had to.

85. I’m grateful that there are people whose talents humble me every day – it’s incentive to work harder.

86. I’m grateful that i am not a quitter no matter how hard things get.

87. I’m grateful that I have a good set of values.

88. I’m grateful that I don’t live in a religious household or one where dogma rules all.

89. I’m grateful that I have such a clear vision of what I want my life to look like when I get older.

90. I’m grateful that I’ll have the ability to be touched by so many people and, at the same time, touch so many other people’s lives.

91. I’m grateful that I have not had a major tragedy strike  my family.

92. I’m grateful that most people around me actually want the best for me and want to see me succeed.

93. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to read so many books over the years.

94. I’m grateful that i chose a proffession im generally happy in.

95. I’m grateful that i have never been fearful that my world well be engulfed by World War III,and that though im from Africa,i have not experienced any of the stereotypes associated with my continent like war or blood diamonds.

96. I’m grateful for all the advances in modern medicine that have made life as we know it possible.

97. I’m grateful that its always raining here and still the sun shines through.I am not a big fan of cold weather.

98. I’m grateful that i have enjoyed my life so far.

99. I’m grateful that i have a grateful heart.

It hurts to love you

My mum says ,love is a landmine you never go searching for
unless you are ready to die.I know she is right.But we've lost us in the maze
so many times,we've forgot how to put back the puzzle of this broken hearts together
So i have been searching for you
But every-time i think i've found you
i sieve through the good times
i see the trailer of every hurt play like a flash back before us
i hear your words wrap around my heard
hear them pound and pound like a gong
shouting,this is it,we are done
But i'm never ready to hear you say your goodbyes
 even when you say
 the future is a  haze
even when you say no strings attached
I call it a passing phase
Even when you serve a cold platter of your dying heart
We eat  through the silence
through the pain of falling
and we say
this is love
its supposed to hurt
some days are supposed to be good,but most days are bad
but what is love
if we turn our lives into knots that tie us
 bind us,tangle us , till it  hurts to love us
it hurts to love us
the way it hurts to swallow the truth that glares back at us in the dark
there is no shelter on our porch
no welcome mat to your ribcage
There is no place to hold my heart
in your freezer chest
till we bury our hurt in a cemetry so filled with a Forrest of forgiveness
we can only lose ourselves in the peace
and every heart beat is a note singing to us
to heal the hurt that hurts us
and when they ask why we stay
when it hurts to love us
we say
it hurts more not to love us

When the weather stops changing

I have been stripping away coats of my history
where I come from, the cold bites through your bones
shatters and shakes your very being
you keep every piece of your body sheltered
away from the reach of intimacy
lest the cold reaches the mesh that holds your heart together
keeps you tangled in doubt of whether this world was ever meant to be warm enough
it takes guts to lean on somebody's spine
it takes guts to let secrets float

trust is a crack made by a builder's boulder truck
passing in the path of your search for a soul mate
but when your rain comes
it fixes the crack
grows a rose of forgiveness
a tulip of letting go

you let a thick carpet of lush bloom
where i can rest in the shade of your protection
you have been watering the break in my heart
so when the weather changes
and a storm hits
turns the tide and throws you off balance
when the ship of your love starts sinking
i hope i will be strong enough
i hope i will be the rescue you have been searching for
i hope my gut tremble will  be earthquake strong enough
to turn every fear of sinking into bravery
to stretch my arms to hold you
to never think of letting go

when you need your space
i hope i will have the courage to let you travel into space
without fear of your non return
i hope i will trust
that you will find the truth you are mining for
and bring the treasure of your search
for a time when the weather stops changing

A writer's dream

As the new year unsheds its hours,and spreads its days,i find my writer hunger pangs lingering around and causing me unrest.I'm searching for short story competitions to enter.I love the idea of a somewhat busy schedule.It keeps me on my toes.I love deadlines to meet.Fortunately,I found something to keep me busy for a while on wikipedia. So the young writer in me is awakened.My imagination is free to create characters. I'm free to create new beings without the pain of labour--in a way i do get ''labor pain,'' but i would have that any day,for my writer friends who are interested in entering a  competition,i have copied the wiki link for you below. Happy productive writer's year.
http://www.worldcitystories.com

New year's resolutions: the things we want

As we begin a new year,we resolve to achieve things.We write down our hearts' desires,we write down goals,we ask the universe to be kind to us. I'm not immune to this phenomenon.So i'm asking the world to be kind,to be humorous,to be soft spoken to me,I'm asking for the earth to bless me, to see me through,to give me a year worth living for.I'm asking for stability,commitment,for new doors to open for me,for my entry into the career i have be working hard for, I'm asking for the continuity of friendships,for the strengthening of bonds,for love to dwell in my mist,for my family to be kept safe, for my spirit to be kind,for my soul to be more generous,i'm asking for my face to light up in smile, to light up the world,for me to nag less,to be more understanding,more considerate,to walk with my head held high,to be optimistic about life,to worry less,to demand less,to be more tolerant,more accepting,to use my God given gifts,to love myself more,to love others just as much,to accept the person i am,to accept  the person i am not,I am asking to be more than i ever thought i could be,i'm asking for humility to dwell in me,for respect and love,and nurturing and a persevering spirit to be my companions.I am asking for determination to stay within me,for focus,for aptitute and a good attitude.Im am asking to be thirsty to live.To be alive more than i have ever been.I am asking for God to make me a better team player,to manage my time more efficiently,to hold less grudges,to commit less sin, to see the beauty in ordinary everyday encounters,to be blessed in the relationships i form,to bless the friendships,and to form lifelong lasting friendships.

But mostly i'm asking for God to let my life follow in the path i am destined to follow.