Building your portfolio-as a woman ; a little on 'motherhood': Is it a curse or a blessing? And what is your cause?

Building your portfolio ; a little on 'motherhood': Is it a curse or a blessing? What is your cause?

Last night,  I had to offer my comfort platter,a few choice words on a foreseen  departure,my hand,my touch,my silence.

Sometimes,Its the only proper way to relate to a mother's loss..

Its the only way to say you understand, that you know you can never fully understand what it feels like to mourn this kind of a loss,when your womb has never carried,yet you still mourn with her, for her loss...your silence and hers,in unison..relating to a deep seated kind of pain that runs in a mother's veins,piercing her grieving heart

that from time to time  you question if motherhood is a blessing or a curse...even though deep down you know..

You know motherhood isnt just about carrying a child to term,sometimes its giving birth to things we cannot touch,things we will never hold,to things we will give back to the universe

.that though you think by now,you ought to be used to death by now,used to saying 'i am sorry for your loss,' its one of those phrases that refuses to make itself comfortable.It remind you of a visiting child,who sits in a rich neighbour's house sofa with one buttock,lest he spoils the sofa covering...

It tastes bitter everytime,that if you could escape saying those words,you would,if you had a choice....but you have no choice,and you refuse to succumb to the idea that death,premature death is inevitable...and you dig deep in history ..and along the trenches you realise some have refused to say I am sorry

The brave hearted,the women who decided that though they cannot conquer physical death,there are other forms of death that they can conquer,the ones who decided gore ga  go ingwaelwe matsetse mo go bone.

they pursued and continue to pursue causes that benefit(ed) nations.

They kick out the phrase im sorry for your loss in another way.

By refusing to say:

''i'm sorry for your children's inability to grow up uneducated because you were born into poverty cannot afford their  school fees,''

''Im sorry to have your children succumb to obesity and its dire effects despite them being born in a country as developed as America,''

they kick out the words,''i'm sorry,your children cannot be recognised as yours in your own country  because they were born to a foreigner,''

''i'm sorry your refugee children will have no one to look after them because someone decided cold blooded war was the path to peace''

I AM SORRY...

Women,like you and me...shake this planet's im sorry.They change its story.They shape the future.Create a new history.Because they are tired of saying sorry...

The movers and shakers of past era's and our age.

i realise that embracing yourself and seeking to be the best YOU,YOU can be is perhaps the greatest way to inspire change in others.Sometimes your deeds drive change more than your words,and sometimes years after you have left your mark,someone sees your footprints and it inspires them.

Considering the era the Michelle Obama's,The Unity Dow's ,The Graca Machel's,the Chiepe's  were raised, im impressed by their ability  to go against the tide and make life changing decisions that give back to the universe  new stories that benefit more than just one child.

Contrary to popular belief, that a well accomplished woman doesn't make a great mom, my view is,a humble spirit that seeks to benefit more than one is great,be it residing in a man or woman.Women who embrace  the maternal instincts to nurture their children,to protect ,to see them grow into  young adults in safety, are great.

I am learning not to shy away from greatness..to be

The Dr Chiepe  who served our government for over 30 years in top positions and was instrumental in developing Botswana’s education system and is known to many as the woman who fought for the free education in Botswana. Which to me is as much a maternal instinct as it is a political cause.Mothers are the primary care givers,the first teacher most encounter in life.

The Michelle Robinson now Michelle Obama who was on the honor roll for four years, took advanced placement classes, was a member of the National Honor Society, and served as student council treasurer. She graduated in 1981 as the salutatorian of her class and today is the first lady of America,whose waged a battle ground for obesity,an affliction thats ravaging the USA.Her academic story says this is one woman to contend with.Ga go ingwaelwe matsetse...

The Unity Dow.I was also pleasantly surprised to learn that in 1991 Unity Dow co-founded the private Baobab Primary School in Gaborone .I knew the law aspect of Unity Dow and her author side but this perhaps goes to explain that she has had a deep seated love for education for some time.As a lawyer she earned acclaim for her stances on women's rights. She was the plaintiff in a case that allowed the children of women by foreign nationals to be considered Batswana where tradition, and prior precedent, stated nationality only descended from the father. She later became Botswana's first female High Court judge.


Graca Mandela fascinates me a lot,not because she is the only woman in history to have gotten married to two presidents but her fluency in 7 languages says a lot.Graça Machel née Graça Simbine is fluent in French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese ,German, English, as well as her native Shangaan language.7 languages...mmhh and the fact that she has been involved and even recognised by United Nations in recognition of her longstanding humanitarian work, particularly on behalf of refugee children says to me,our built,as women,is more of a blessing than a curse.


The more i read,the more i wondered,what did this people have in them to make them hunger for learning this much.Is it coincidence? Is it luck? Where they inspired by someone else.One thing i know is,i find a well read,well rounded person quiet fascinating,and they have engaging conversations that leave you unaware of time and craving for more conversations.

Being a woman,should not be seen as a hindrance to career pursuits,to political or humanitarian pursuits.If we recognise the same vulnerabilities we list as our weaknesses,we can always change them for strengths.We are born nurturers,protectors.We fight battles for our children,our families and if we integrate that with our careers,we bring a fresh perspective to the table..that only a woman can bring forth.


Build your portfolio:Because you are a woman.Be a credible storm withering brand,Because you are a woman.Build a nation.Because you are a woman.Being a woman,is a blessing.

A snippet from a "novel" I wrote for my sister.I hope it finds a publisher so i'm putting it out there for someone to see

The birthday cake

Sometimes it's not easy having a friend like Seele B.Don't get me wrong, Seele is awesome. He is the kind of person who is always caring,he loves to share and he is super smart.He literally gets along with everybody.I suppose every person has that virtue that makes the individual lovable, for some people it’s a comedian streak, for others its being a great listener.  Seele is all in one.He makes people laugh all the time and he listens,one other thing he loves to do too is be a peace maker.He can sniff a fight two planets away and he will do all he can until harmony prevails.I'm sure the chief magistrate has Seele's number on speed dial for peace advice from time to time.By the way,I'm Fifi Meyer.Everyone calls me Fifi even though my real name is Refilwe.Its short and catchy.I'm not as smart as my name suggests but who needs brains when I have Seele for a best friend.

Anyway,where was I? Oh,right.Seele.He has been my best friend for seven years now.I admit,things have not always been rosy between Seele and I.When he is on a peace keeping mission he gets soo involved that I sometimes feel left out.I think sometimes he concentrates on being fair that he forgets I'm his best friend and he doesn't even bend rules for me :(.It doesn't matter if I made him his favorite cheese cake just the other week.That's just who he is.

I was pondering this last point swinging my legs up and down in Selepa Park,taking in the afternoon breeze the Monday before independence holiday,when Seele called to say he would be running late.The park looked deserted.Most people were busy packing luggage preparing to travel to their villages for the upcoming holiday festivities,explaining why this place was soo empty.It was just me,Veronica and a couple of gossiping maids right across the fish pond,who had taken young kids for a walk.

Veronica was lying on the park bench directly opposite me,paging through a Forever 21 Magazine for the millionth time since we had been here.We were waiting for Seele and Neo.Neo was late as usual.She was probably chatting the hour away with a new "stranger friend".Seele is always on time.Today he had gone to help Mrs Kgosi at the bus rank to identify her grandchildren as they arrived from Gaborone for the holiday.Mrs Kgosi had failing eye sight lately.Her diabetes was making her eyesight bad day by day.

Veronica is Seele's cousin,though you would never guess they are are related.She is probably the prettiest girl I know.She likes girlish stuff,from nail polish,glitter,lip gloss,blush,mascara,eye shadow,flowery head scarves,ribbons to whatever is pretty much pink and adorable.She says when she is twenty one she is going to own a Forever 21 Franchise and a walk in closet.I on the other hand do not care much for a walk in closet.I am a tom boy.I love khakhi pants,simple plain t-shirts and studs,and I love short hair,especially in this hot weather.I own a pair of reading glasses and Vero says I have a nerdish look.She is partly right.I love to read.Sometimes I read right through Math and any science class.I think those are just booooorrrrriiiiiing.I'm not very good with numbers.I have dyslexia.Its a learning problem.Seele helps me out a lot though.Sometimes he let's me copy his assignment.Nonetheless I'm pretty good at practical stuff like art,cooking and gardening which really comes in handy for our Young Chef's Club.

Yep,you guessed right. Myself,Fifi,Vero,Neo and Seele we have a catering club.I'm the chef,Vero is the decorator and sales person.Seele is the treasurer and Neo is the public relations officer.The public relations officer is the person who does all the talking for us and Neo is pretty good at that.She loves meeting new people and she has millions of friends.She literally knows everybody in our neighbourhood and everybody knows Neo.Mom gave us the titles.She is actually the reason why we formed the club in the first place.

It was a sunny day,about a week before Wandy and Wendy's 8th birthday party when mom unintentionally planted the idea in my brain.Wandy and Wendy are my younger twin siblings.They are fraternal twins and that's a lot of biology I can't explain.Just know it means they don't look alike.They don't even like the same things.Anyway mom had her hands full that week.She had a workshop at school to attend to.Dad was flying home tthat weekend from Kasane for the twins' birthday and a few of our cousins were coming down too.When mom arrived she had a bucket of Chicken Licken wings in one hand and a two liter coke in the other.My brother and I sat in the living room,taking in the rich aroma of chicken wings.Salivating our hearts out.I looked at Karabo,my immediate brother and raised my eyebrows,elbowed him and whispered,"what's up with Mom,what does she want me to do for her?"
Karabo giggled,and raised his eyebrows twice,signalling he was clueless.By now I knew a bucket of chicken licken with Mom meant she needs a favor from me,a huge favor.She knows Chicken wings are my favorite.So I cut my curiosity short.

"Mom,what do you want me to do for you?" I asked.

Mom chuckled."Am I that easy to read Fifi?" She asked.

"I can see right through you mom,you are soo transparent you even beat filter paper!"

For a moment I grinned an I'm proud of me grin.I had learnt something I could apply in real life in science class that day.

Mom laughed again,more heartily this time."You remember Mr Duiker,the baker guy at choppies darling?" Mom asked.
"Yes mom,I do,how can I forget him,he is the best baker in town after dad afterall" I said.BTW I love chefs.Cooking is my second favorite hobby of all time.I even plan to go to a cooking school when I'm 18.I cannot go now because mom and dad say I have to get a proper education first.The market is not very stable for chefs,so they say.I'm just killing time till I turn 18 then I can make my own decisions.

"Well,Mr Duiker has been transferred to Choppies in Maun,you know Maun has many tourists and they love to taste our traditional food.He will be leaving at the end of the week and he can't bake the twins cake," mom sighed heavily.

"What,Mr Duiker is leaving this soon? He was supposed to teach me how to make the flowery icing topping for Vero's chocolate birthday cake!" I sighed too.
Just then I looked at mom,with a but Mom,I told you to book early for the twins cake look.She looked back,puppy eyed and pleading,"I know honey,you did say so."
"I did try to find someone to bake their cake but Mrs Kgosi has her grandchildren over for the holidays and these days she is a bit forgetful,Lala has gone for the home economics competiton in University of Botswana,and well Thabang has the cold,so babe,can you please  whip up some magic for your siblings pretty please," She begged.
I took the biggest chicken wing from the bucket,and took a satisfying bite.Mom knew already that was a yes.

"Fifi?"
"Yes mom"
"Do you think you could ask Seele,Vero and Neo to help you set up balloons,chairs and a jumping castle for the kids,and organise a few board games ?"

I thought about it for a second.Vero would be thrilled at the thought of decorating,Seele never declines an offer to have him help and Neo would be looking forward to meeting my cousins and making new friends,so I said," okay cool mom.I will talk to them."That's how the Young Chef's Club was born!

I needed to call them ASAY ( as soon as yesterday). We were already behind schedule.Organising a party was no child's play.Would we manage?

On public schools;The sacrifices:The teachers

Today's thought;I have been avoiding penning this thought all day,but it won't let me rest

On public schools;The sacrifices:The teachers

Because i am a product of public schools:Because someone put their best foot forward in spite of remuneration :and because someone saw the best in me even when facts said otherwise

I do not have much to offer except words of gratitude for the teachers who went an extra mile.Because i have schooled in names of schools which when said out loud,no one knows,and they ask,ke ko kae koo...I know the terrains of Maitengwe,have inscribed my name on the ground of its kindergarten,have woken up to a 1km walk to Masunga,Have sat on school chairs in Mogorosi,have had the honour of serving Kgatadimo junior secondary schoolars and have always met teachers who made us believe someday we would be somebodys.

Because a teacher somewhere chose to see beyond the boarders of our ruralness,beyond the confines of our habitants and because our imagination was stretched to think of an overseas we had only heard of:because they believed we too could be little Einsteins, Marie Curie 's ,Kofi Annan's,and yes Kofi Annan because once i played him in a school play ,and they believed we could be noble men,kings and queens who would cross boarders,sit in parliament,cure ailments,be honourable beings,strut courtrooms and bring order,feed nations,be entrepreneurs ,parents who could shape the world,be whatever our imagination allowed.

Because they allowed us to dream and dream,and they told us stories that left us burning with desire.and because when in standard four i said i wanted to be an astronaut and no one laughed but they all clapped and clapped and said yes you,you could be an astronaut.You could be whatever you want.You could be.Because they really believed education would be our way out of poverty and because we desired better, we believed with them,in them and they believed in our potential.To be among the stars.To be the stars.And we soared like eagles,we rose against tides and took strides of faith and put in the work with them.We dreamt with them.We worked with them.We excelled with them.

Because when they looked at us,they searched for our education hungry eyes ,,they looked at our longing hearts and took us under their wings,and taught us,because we were teachable human beings,they taught us and we learned.And we aspired to be better than we were yesterday.Because yesterday,teachers made us.They built us.They were priceless.More than value for their money.They were teachers.Real substance.

My heart says i should pay tribute to all my teachers.Among them the ever smiling 'Silos'', Mr Valentine Masilo.I have lost his contacts but wherever he is,i hope he knows he has a daughter he taught well,who thinks of him very highly.The late Mma Gaolathe who taught me literature and took me from a mere 30 percent to something great.Mme Mma Nare who made this Kalanga girl ace setswana,she had no time for myths gore hewe hewe Bakalaka ga ba itse setswana,Mr Moalusi..my guardian and many many more whom i wish i could personally write to,to say thank you folks...You made me.You made us.Every public school product you made us.And that folks is what teachers make....

living out greys' anatomy

First call in paeds was super cool.I had one of those rare calls you get once in a blue moon.No admission throughout the night.When you get one of those you dance with one leg,and thank the heavens for divine favour.If my patients were huggable i would have hugged them all this morning for a super quiet call.Thats just how awesome i felt about last night's call.

But the really awesome part was getting to see air rescue in play.See,most of our calls are mundane.The epithet is,clerk admissions,insert cannula's ,review patients,consult seniors,walk all the way to ICU to print lab results because printer is not working,call potters for x-ray and so on and on  and a repeat repeat of same old same old.So when air rescue comes,with all the bustle and hustle of excitement,of airlifting you get to feel like yeah,im living and breathing an episode of Grey's anatomy.And you are like mmmmh,this job can be cool.Once in a while :)

Little miracles in NICU;Work diaries

Little miracles in NICU;Work diaries

Today i watched a 900g fighter come back to life.Watched as her blue lips flushed full to pink,forcefully and rightfully sucking back the oxygen.At the same time taking away the despair of having to break bad news and the pain of seeing a mother mourn a day old loss.I have seen them come in weighing nothing,have seen them gain 10g a day,little by little,grow a little bigger than they were yesterday.Turn into little humans.These neonates, are WARRIORS.

I have learnt the art of patience,a skill i'm ashamed to admit i sometimes lack. I have learnt the skill to be patient with myself,especially when inserting cannulaes and taking blood.

I have learnt to offer my throbbing heart,in sync with a little prayer under my breath.Begging God for success when a cannula doesn't go in.

I have learnt to appreciate that at times i will meet vocal teachers who speak positively and kindly towards us junior doctors when we are frustrated by an unsuccessful cannula.Reminding us ever so graciously,that someday we will just be as good as them.

I have also learnt that sometimes the best teacher is a day old baby in an incubator,who seems to do nothing but lie all day and hold onto dear life.

I have learnt not to judge the span of a man's life by his external appearances,but to accept that only God,knows how long our path is destined to be.I have seen weak babies whom even mothers had given up all hope,bloom back to life.

I take my hat off to all the medical officers i work with.I marvel at how they manage a 1 in 3 days call.I am amazed by the sacrifices they make of themselves,their families.I pay homage to these unsung heroes.

Work diaries;i think i'm slowly falling in love with paediatrics.But Nephro keeps wooing me from a distance...

The secret,the law of attraction,what do i want?

One of my mentors recommended that i read The secret.I listened to the audio version instead and one of the questions i heard was ,what do you really want.I started penning what i want and this is what i came up with :)

Professionally i want to be an awesome doctor.I want to be sponsored to specialise in internal medicine and do Nephrology.I want to own and run a successful hospital.i want to have a healthy working relationship with co workers,bosses,juniors.I want to have a wide range of mentors,people who will inspire me to do better.I want to host great men,talk to them and get a piece of insight from them.

Family wise,i want to get married to a down to earth,humble,respectful man.I want a loving husband.Someone who will love me soo much it will bring tears to my eyes :) .I want a provider.A well read man and someone who genuinely loves people.i want him tall lol..I want someone who loves a quiet lifestyle,who loves nature and who can teach me a lot.I want good conversation,inspiring,wisdom and laughter filled.I want companionship,commitment,friendship,kindness.I want three beautiful  children.

I want to be a friend and approachable elder sister to my siblings.I want to have a warm relationship with them at the same time helping them identify their talents,and helping them become the best they could be.i want to be a daughter my parents are proud of and feel blessed to have,taking care of them to the best of my abilities.I want to be able to take care of my grandmother.

I want to be financially sound, have abundance so that my life choices are never limited by lack,but rather by choice.I want to be generous with money without feeling like i wont be able to survive the month.I want a beautiful dwelling place.One with a lovely botanical garden and a swimming pool.I also want to own some astoundingly beautiful rental houses that people would literally beg to live in :)

Health wise,i want to be healthy.To maintain normal body weight index.To enjoy food and work out enough to keep me fit.I want to have clear flawless skin.Look young.

Friendship wise,i want to be a caring friend.Who goes the extra mile and helps out when i can.

My Medical Career goals for 2015:so help me God

1.I will not complain about the workload,or pay; but will try my best to serve wholeheartedly and only voice out if i'm offering a suggestion for improvement.
2.I will try to go beyond and above my call of duty
3.I will continue to share medical knowledge even outside working hours when its within my ability to do so,volunteering services when approached and where i see fit
4.I will listen to my patients,give them undivided attention and help them to the best of my abilities.
5.I will participate actively in activities in NRH.
6.I will improve myself,intellectually,morally and professionally ( improve more on time management in the morning:arrive atleast 10minutes before morning meeting starts,dress appropriately,carry myself in a dignified manner,organise myself better,have a proper worklist,read up on diseases i come across on a day to day basis,and be hands on and if i fail,try again)
7.I will attend Continous medical education courses,and see to it I self sponsor for atleast one course for self improvement;maybe BLS,or even outside the medical sphere-Business administration or economics or a financial course.
8.I will try and ask questions and ensure i learn as much as i can from colleagues and superiors no matter how shy i feel,i will continue attending the study group sessions,and ensure i study for four hours a day,and do some questions weekly.
9.I will be respectful to my patients,staff and co-workers and accept criticism and self improvement tips,listening to advice.
10.I will network with mentors who will aid me to better myself.

P.S to read a non medical book at-least once a week.