Work diaries: complex issues of being a female doctor

Work diaries: complex issues of being a female doctor

Sometimes it hits you,and it hits you hard,that sexisms isn't dying anytime soon

I think i should just accept that in this country no matter how many times i introduce myself as a doctor,i will always be referred by sone of my patients as nurse or aussie or sistere.,i will see the patient and be asked right after,"when is my doctor coming to see me." That some of my patients who  will not ask my male counterparts,(of the  same age,same rank,same lack of uniforms,same stethoscopes around our necks)  to help them out with nursing duties but will shout at me,calling me all sorts of endearment names such as aussie,sistere and ask me to please hetola them,or please feed me.That my explanation as to why i cant stop my doctorly duties of assisting my still not seen patients to do nursing duties will fall on deaf ears sometimes.That i will be viewed as a bad person for refusing to stop my work sometimes,to do duties that are not mine.That  after introducing myself several times and continuously being addressed by a title or name  that is not mine--if i refuse to answer to such a title or such an endearing name,that i cannot be right.That my patient,no matter how wrong my patient is --because my patient is my client--that my patient is always right.

That,its slowly sinking why most women who eventually make it to  top ranks sometimes come off as cold, no nonsense kinda women.I understand why they tend to seem as if they are proving themselves.They tend to take the bull by the horns and are often said to lack motherly characteristics of being caring.That as much as i want to be this soft nice woman,day in and day out,i'm tempted to assert myself,to aggressively claim my ground...and that im continuously tempted to bring my certificates and say hey,i went through five years of helll,2 years of gruelling bsc,i got this degree..give me the credit i deserve...

The Vanishings by Lauri Kubuitsile : Chapter 21 and 22

Chapter 21

South African advocate Viljoen seemed to have not read a newspaper since the 1980s. He seemed to have missed the whole overthrowing of apartheid and the eventual end of white rule. He was firmly stuck in colonial days where white was the order of the day. As such, he didn’t seem to understand why these two black idiots sitting across from him felt they had the right to ask him or his white, French client anything. They were cheeky kaffirs from his point of view. His disdain for Tito and Dambuza could not be more apparent and it was making Dambuza angry and keeping him from being sensible which gave more fuel to Viljoen’s racist opinions.

“I’m not sure which laws you operate from in Botswana, but it is standard practice that if you have no evidence for the claims that you are making against my client you must let him go,” Viljoen argued. “Perhaps we should see a magistrate and that person can explain it to you in a language you would be able to understand.”

“Your client was seen in the bush digging in a place where numerous human body parts were found. Is that not evidence?” Dambuza asked.

“Evidence of what exactly? He is an entomologist. He was digging up mophane larvae for study in the lab. You saw for yourself that he had fresh specimens in his case.”

“But what was in the large portion of that case? Could you ask your client about that? And while you’re at it why don’t you ask him why he dumped it somewhere? Somewhere no one has yet to discover.” Dambuza was speaking to Viljoen but looking at Renet. Though he looked tired from a night in jail, the professor still kept the arrogant sneer across his face. It was a challenge to Dambuza, wiping that sneer off.

“I told you before Dr Renet contends that the case was in the back of the van. Perhaps one of your officers took it, who knows? It’s obvious your investigation methods are not nearly up to scruff.”

“If we find it, we suspect we will find traces of blood matching the body parts in the holes where we dug,” Tito said. Unlike Dambuza, he was unperturbed by the antics of the South African, he’d expected as much just as he told Dambuza before the advocate arrived. It was common to have South African lawyers in Maun, lawyers who thought the people in Botswana were all a bunch of babbling idiots. Tito was thoroughly schooled in dealing with this type.

“If. If you find it, Superintendent. My client cannot sleep in your filthy cells waiting on an if.”

“No… no, I wouldn’t expect him to. This is why I have officers searching his house and his office as we speak,” Tito said. “We wouldn’t want to inconvenience him in any way.”

Dambuza watched the sneer leave Renet’s face and he wanted to pat his boss for a job well executed. Renet whispered something in his lawyer’s ear. Viljoen said, “I’d like to have some time to confer with my client…in private.”

Tito and Dambuza left. “He’s got something at his house. We’ll get him before the sun sets,” Tito said, smiling. He walked into his office and Dambuza continued on to his. He was glad he had this break, he needed to call Delly.

“Oh, Dambuza, I’m glad you called. Do you have a chance to come round the house? Nana’s here and I think she has something you should see,” Delly said.

He didn’t feel like seeing Nana and besides, there might be a break in the case at anytime. He couldn’t be off somewhere when he finally got Renet.  “I don’t know Delly…maybe later.”

“It’s pretty important, I think. It won’t take long.”

Against his better judgement Dambuza agreed. The Corolla was still with the mechanic who had little good news last time he called so Dambuza got one of the officers to drop him off at Delly’s in a station car.

***

He found Nana and Delly in the office going through some papers spread out on the desk. Delly looked up. “Good, Dambuza, you’re here.”

Nana gave him an awkward hello.

“So what is it?” Dambuza asked. “I don’t have a lot of time, I think Renet’s about to confess.”

“It’s these,” Nana said. “I found them by accident. I think something’s going on at Hope Institute.”

Dambuza looked at the papers. They seemed to be correspondence. They spoke about bacillus anthracis and tularaemia. Dambuza imagined they were some sort of bacteria or a virus from the context.

“Yeah? So? It seems normal that scientists at Hope Institute might discuss various diseases. AIDS patients have to deal with a lot of different bugs when their immune system gives out. I don’t get it.” Dambuza looked at his watch. He told Blue to call him immediately if Renet or his lawyer were ready to talk.

“Yeah okay,” Nana said, “but not these bugs. Tularemia is a bacteria found mostly in rabbits in North America. Bacillus anthracis is the bacteria that cause anthrax.”

Dambuza couldn’t see why any of this was enough to pull him away from cracking a multiple murder case. “Yes, okay. Who knows? Isn’t it the work they’re doing here is for the whole world? Maybe AIDS patients in the north have a problem with this rabbit disease. We don’t know, none of us here are scientists.”

“I looked up both of these on the internet. They’re both used as biological weapons. I think Hope Institute is manufacturing biological weapons,” Nana said.

Dambuza sat down, he was suddenly very tired and he was sure Nana’s love of drama was getting the better of her. “I think you’ve watched too many movies. These people are in partnership with the Botswana government. There is no way they’d be getting into shit like that.”

“How do you know Dambuza?” Delly asked.

“I just know. And besides, even if it’s the case that they are making biological weapons at Hope Institute, which I seriously doubt, what do you expect me to do? I’m a cop. I don’t work for the CIA or the DIS. Besides I got a murderer about to confess, I need to go.”

He got up and Nana touched his arm. “Please, Dambuza. I think something is going on and I’m afraid Neo might be in trouble. I can’t trust anyone else with this information. I just want to make sure it’s nothing. If something’s going on I want Neo out of there before it all comes out. She can’t have her career ruined because people were into things she didn’t even know about.”

Dambuza’s cellphone rang. “Yeah?”

“Dambuza where are you?” It was Tito.

“Sorry, Boss. I just went out for a second, I’ll be back just now.”

“There’s no need. Viljoen has said no more talking. He’s about to board a plane for South Africa. He says he has urgent business and he’ll only be back on Monday. He gave strict written instructions that no one should speak to Renet while he’s gone.”

“Damn! What do you think that’s about?”

“I think he’s going to come back with some back-up. They found Renet’s hiding place at his house. No body parts but lots of blood. All we need is the DNA test linking the blood to the parts we dug up, then to the disappeared people, and we have him. I got a guy coming up on Thursday from the University, an expert in DNA testing. We don’t need to talk to this guy at all. We ought to have everything we need to get Renet by the time Advocate Viljoen gets back from his urgent business.”

Dambuza hung up. Nana was still waiting for her answer. “Come on,” Delly said. “I’ll help you. We make a good team.”

Dambuza rubbed his forehead where a sharp pain threatened to take over his entire head. “I must be a raving lunatic. People dealing with this kind of stuff are serious. We could get ourselves killed.”

“I don’t want you to catch them, really, just find out what it’s all about. Then I can warn Neo. She’ll never believe me without more evidence. This is the exact work she’s always wanted to do, the work she’s doing at the Institute, helping to find a way to cure AIDS. It will take a lot to convince her to leave. These papers are not going to do it.”

Dambuza couldn’t pass up a damsel in distress it was as simple as that, no matter how stupid and dangerous the decision was going to be, he knew he had no option.

“Okay… but in the meanwhile Delly I think you better look into that private detective license. I can’t be working with an amateur.”

Chapter 22

Nana offered to give Dambuza a ride home. Since Delly was making no effort in that direction though she knew the Corolla was dead, he had no choice but to take the ride. He couldn’t help he was still pissed off at seeing Nana with Hamilton at Chuck’s. As they drove toward the mall Nana asked, “You got any time for a beer?”

Dambuza’s need for a beer outweighed his wanting not to spend time with Nana. “Okay, sure.”

 It was just past 5:30 and a Tuesday night so Chuck’s was nearly empty. One of the bartender’s Dambuza had become friendly with was on duty. “Dumela Bra Flicka. Can I get a couple beers?”

“Sure Officer.”

He and Nana took a table near the window. Outside, people were rushing home from work. Quick stops at the supermarket across the street had them laden down with bags. A few chickens pecked at the side of the road, not troubled by the passing cars that zipped by so close their feathers ruffled.

“So what’s going on Dambuza?” Nana asked. Dambuza turned back from the window and looked at her.

“What do you mean? We’re here, we’re having a beer.” He was trying nonchalance but he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice.

“If you remember correctly you blew me off, not the other way around,” Nana said.

“I blew you off? I told you I couldn’t have sex with you. That’s not blowing you off.”

“It sure felt like it.”

Dambuza got up to get another beer. He thought this conversation needed a few shots too. He wondered how she got to the point where he was the bad guy. Women had interesting minds; he had to give them that. No matter what he did, he was the bad guy. He downed one shot and filled it up again before heading back to the table. He felt the buzz of the alcohol just entering his bloodstream and it fortified him.

He set the drinks down. “Okay, Nana, what is it you want from me?”

She drank her shot and chased it with some beer, while Dambuza lit a cigarette. “All I know is I like you,” she said.

Dambuza nodded his head. Liked him. Liked Hamilton. Liked how many others? He did not want this conversation.

“So tell me more about Neo,” Dambuza said moving away from his emotional danger zone.

“I was an awkward girl. Being mixed race in Botswana is not always a good thing; you can’t seem to find a place anywhere. But Neo was my friend. Her family was very poor and she often stayed with Mom and me. In many ways I see her as a sister.  She’s helped me more times than I can count. Always ready to get my back. It’s time I did the same for her.”

“So why don’t you just ask her about those bugs of yours? She could find out better than me, she’s in the lab.”

Nana looked toward the bar. Dambuza sensed she was uncomfortable with the question. “I don’t want to do that. I don’t want to put her in danger.”

But she didn’t mind putting him in danger, Dambuza thought. “So where do you think I should start?”

“Come and see me at the lab. People won’t suspect anything; they know you’re my friend. We’ll see what we can get. We need to do it ourselves, I’m still not sure who to trust there.”

“You seem to trust Hamilton all right,” Dambuza said and immediately wished he hadn’t.

“What do you mean?”

“You’re the one who said he wasn’t your type and yet I saw you both in here the other night. You couldn’t keep your hands off him.”

Nana looked down at her half filled glass. “It’s not what you think.”

“What?  He forced you to hold him and kiss him? Please Nana, I’m not a fool. I saw what I saw.”

“Yeah, okay.”  She looked at Dambuza and her eyes filled with tears. “You know what? People look at me and think oh she has everything… but it’s not like that. I loved him Dambuza, the man who died in my flat in London…he was married and he was often terrible, but the man I killed, I loved him. We were together for ten years. He had his wife, but I only had him, always only him. And now I’m just trying to survive. I don’t care about Hamilton, I told you that and I was telling the truth. What you saw was just me trying to survive.”

Dambuza wanted to reach out for her but he knew he couldn’t. For the sake of his heart- and hers. He understood Nana where likely no one else would. It was about just skimming the surface, avoiding going deep. They’d both been there, deep in the trenches, and it could be a bloodbath. They couldn’t take that pain again. So in the meanwhile they’d dodge feeling, keep away from people who pulled them into the places where everything became intense and needy. They would avoid vulnerability and coast along the surface. And to do that, they both needed to leave each other alone.

***

Dambuza looked through the letters Nana had given him. He’d never asked where she got them. They were sent to some post office box in America. He suspected they used coded names. They were signed from Carl. No surname. It could be anything really. Fakes. From the office politics he’d overheard that night in Nana’s office, it was obvious many people disliked Hamilton. Maybe it was a way to get back at him.

He agreed to meet Nana at her office over lunch. He had nothing going with his case until the DNA expert arrived, so he might as well see what he could do for her. It was only to see if there was anything to the correspondences. He doubted it, but he’d help her just the same.

He looked out the window of his office. He couldn’t keep his mind on his work ever since Bontle said she was coming on the weekend. He should be happy. It sounded like she wanted to get back together, that she was having second thoughts about the divorce. That was a good thing, at least that’s what he had thought. He was angry about the divorce, but he wondered was it because he didn’t want his marriage to end or because Bontle took the initiative first. He knew he still loved her, but he was still angry that she gave up on them. He thought they were in it together, they’d always been, that’s what the fights had always been about, they could have easily walked away long ago if they didn’t love each other. He felt let down by her when suddenly she was pulling out and leaving him alone. The constant of them being a unit, together against the world, had been what kept him in the marriage through all the fights. He lost trust in her now. She showed him she was not in it forever. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to forgive her for that. He was scared for what would happen on the weekend, he wasn’t looking forward to it.

There was a knock at his door and he was pulled from his thoughts. Blue poked his head in the door, smiling. “Ah…Dambuza there’s a …a…..woman here for you.”

Dambuza stood up pushing the letters from Hope Institute into his notebook. He squeezed past Blue. He knew it must be Nana there to pick him up.  “What? You’ve never seen a woman before?” Dambuza asked him.

“Not one like that,” Blue said.

***

“I found a few more things,” Nana said leaning over the computer in her office. “Look at this.”

Dambuza sat down in a chair next to the computer and looked at the screen. It seemed to be some sort of data. It showed different levels of tularemia and it appeared as if it was divided into days and some sort of symptoms.  There was also a table showing levels of anthrax and symptoms continuing until a level that noted death.

 “Again, it doesn’t prove anything. Just looks like data, it could be from anywhere.”

“Not alone but I have this.” She opened her drawer and took out a paper and handed it to Dambuza.

It was another letter for Carl. It said that they were just about ready to handover the results for the tests on C00948. They seemed to have discovered the exact mix of tularemia and anthrax so that the set objectives could be attained. There were levels to incapacitate a population for a set period of time to make them compliant for “our needs”. They’d also determined dose levels for “removal”.

Dambuza felt ill. Could people be doing things like this right in Botswana? Who were they? Who was this Carl and who were the people he was working for? “Where did you find these?” Dambuza asked.

Nana hesitated. “Where I found them is not that important.”

“What? Of course it is. Where you found them is very important. It leads us to who is involved.” Dambuza could hear she was trying to hide something.

“Maybe not.”

Dambuza stood up. He suspected she was protecting Hamilton, which was fine. She could go on protecting him, but Dambuza was done then. This was serious stuff and he was not going to be played.  “Okay then, I’m outta here.”

He headed for the door, but Nana grabbed him by the arm. “No… please… wait. I’ll tell you. I got them in Neo’s office.”

“Neo’s office? Here you want to save her from the bad guys- maybe she’s one of the bad guys, did you ever think of that?”

“No,” Nana shook her head. “No, I know she’d never do this. That’s why I need to find the real answer.”

“Why don’t you ask her?”

“I can’t. I’m afraid she’ll lie to me. I think she’s trying to find out and to stop this thing on her own. That’s the impression I get. I know her; she would lie to keep me safe. She loves me Dambuza, I told you that. She always protects me.” 

“Okay, now I’m getting pissed. You have every story in the book except the truth. I’m not getting involved in heavy shit like this if you’re not straight with me.” He was annoyed and wanted to leave. Nana was not telling him everything that was obvious.

Nana looked at the door. “Please… keep quiet. I know… I haven’t been completely honest. I found these in Neo’s office. I made copies and put hers back. I knew it was something, that something was wrong. But I know Neo, she would never be involved in anything like this. She’s been seeing someone. I don’t like it, she knows this. I think this might involve him.”

“It’s someone here at the Institute?”

“Yes, it’s Gopolong. I really don’t know what she sees in him. He’s awful in so many ways. I even think he hits her. And on top of it, he’s married as you know. Now it looks like he might be involved in all of this, at least that’s what I think.”

Dambuza wasn’t sure he believed her. “I need the truth, Nana, I mean it.”

“I swear that’s it. These are from Neo’s office.” Nana sat down again. Dambuza could see the stress of what she’d uncovered was taking its toll. “She’d never do this, no matter how much money was involved. I know it. She’s not like that Dambuza. It’s Gopolong. She’s like that, she always picks these creeps, and then she does everything to protect them. Please, we need to get the truth. I need to protect Neo from these people.”

The Vanishings; Chapter 19 and 20 by Lauri Kubuitsile

Chapter 19

Dambuza decided to leave Delly behind in the bush and rush into town to get some other officers to help him collect the evidence. “You going to be okay out here?” Dambuza asked before leaving her.

“Hey, I’m a long time bush woman, this is my element. Get off with ya!” Delly sat down next to the hole where they’d been digging.

Dambuza trotted off to the Corolla and set off toward town. He tried not to think about Khathurima’s words warning them that Delly should take care. Delly was in no danger. That man had no special powers to see things in the future. Still he sped the whole way to Maun ignoring the metallic protests from the Corolla.

He found Blue at the desk. “Listen I got a body in the bush, can you put together a team to go out with me?”

“Sure, Dambuza.” Blue made a few calls and the two waited for the others to arrive. It was night and the staff that was on duty was out patrolling. “So does this have anything to do with the white guy you beat up?”

“Was he here?” Dambuza could not believe the balls of this guy. He buries a body in the bush and he still wants to make a complaint?

“Ee Rra. He even had a report from the hospital.”

“What? Already?”

“Well from that private clinic. They do things quick-quick if the money’s right.”

“Shit.” Dambuza didn’t need another police brutality complaint on his record, he had enough already.

“Doesn’t matter,” he told himself more than Blue. “Someone needs to go and collect the guy and lock him in, at least for the night, on suspicion of murder. That ought to really piss the bastard off.”

***

The four officers arrived and they raced back to Delly. They pushed through the bush with their equipment and the metal police coffin- but Delly was not there.

“Delly!” Dambuza called. There was no answer. He didn’t let his mind wander to his worst thoughts. She was fine. Everything was fine. “Fuck! Spread out. We need to find her!”

Dambuza couldn’t believe after all of the warnings from the doctor he had left Delly out here. He’d never forgive himself if something happened to her. He only knew her for about a month but they’d become close. He was not someone who kept many friends, he never had a woman as a friend, especially a white woman, a much older white woman, but he suddenly realised how much Delly meant to him. She was sensible and practical and wise and funny. He respected her and her friendship meant everything to him through the last few weeks. How did he leave her here? What had he been thinking?

“Delly!” he shouted into the darkness.

Just then he heard something moving behind the bush, he turned thinking the elephants had finally arrived on the scene.

 “Sis man! Can’t a girl take a leak?” Delly said coming through the bush buttoning her ever present shorts.

Dambuza grabbed Delly up in his arms. “God! I thought something happened to you.”

Delly pushed him back and smiled. “Ao! Dambuza are you getting sweet on me?”

Dambuza ignored her teasing and shouted to the others, “She’s over here guys!”

***

In the dark the digging was difficult. From the finger they found, it appeared the body had been cut into pieces and the pieces were buried all over the scene. About midnight they found a thigh. After that it was quicker: an arm, a torso, two feet, another arm. The body parts were being carefully laid out on a plastic tarp. Delly stood nearby surveying the progress.

“Hey Dambuza, come here a minute,” Delly said. “Look at that.”

“What?”

“The arms.”

“What about them?”

“They’re from different people.”

“What? How do you know?” Dambuza asked looking at the arms on the plastic.

“Look at them,” Delly said. “Look at the distance from the top to the elbow, it’s not the same. These are from two different bodies.”

Dambuza looked closer. Delly was right. He couldn’t believe it. Did this guy kill all of them? He called the other police officers over and they agreed with Delly. These parts were not from one body, they were from at least three different bodies.

The eastern sky was turning light grey and soon the sun would be up.  “Listen I need to get some sleep,” Dambuza said to the other police officers. “Delly and I will head into town. I’ll pass by the station and tell them what’s happening. The boss ought to be in by now. He’ll send a new team out to relieve you guys. I think we’re going to have to do a whole lot of digging out here.”

When they got back to the cars the Corolla refused to start, too much bouncing and bucking on the dirt roads for one day. He climbed into Delly’s vehicle just as the sun came up, and they headed back to Maun.

Chapter 20

Dambuza woke up confused. Out the window the sun was low in the sky but he took a minute to work out if it was morning or evening. After briefing the boss, Delly dropped him at home and he fell sound asleep. He couldn’t believe he’d slept the whole day away just when he finally got a break in his case. He called the station and Tito was still there.

“Yeah we got him in lock up,” Tito said. “He’s not talking, waiting for a big shot lawyer from Joburg to pitch. We’re going to be in for it then.”

“So what’d they find in the end out there?”

“All sorts of odd body parts. No full bodies. Looks like about seven different people. We need an expert to sort this out. Tomorrow a team is coming up from Gabs. Nothing more we can do tonight, you might as well get some sleep. Things are going to get crazy real quick.”

“Thanks Boss.”

“Listen, good job, Dambuza. Good police work.”  It felt good to hear his boss say that but Dambuza knew if it wasn’t for Delly and her new found profession, he would have never got the break he did. However he got there, he was just happy they were about to solve these cases.

Dambuza opened a beer and popped some day-old takeaway in the microwave. His phone rang and he answered without looking at who it was. “Hello.”

“Hi, it’s me.” His high collapsed.

“Hi Bontle… what do you want?” He didn’t want any drama right now. Despite his and Delly’s gruesome find, he was feeling pretty good and he didn’t want a big fight with Bontle to ruin his mood.

“I just wanted to talk.” There was something about her voice. 

“Are you okay? Are the kids okay?” Dambuza was getting scared. Why was she calling him?

“Everyone is fine. I don’t know… I …maybe I shouldn’t have called….”

“But you did. What is it Bontle?”

“Dambuza… I …” He could hear her crying.

“What is it Bontle? What’s wrong?”

 Some minutes passed as she cried into the phone. She pulled herself together and said, “I miss you. God, Dambuza, what am I doing?”

Dambuza sat down on the sofa. The microwave beeped in the background and he ignored it. “I don’t know, what are you doing Bontle? You tell me.”

“Why are we getting a divorce when I still love you?”  Dambuza waited. Was he supposed to answer that? “What are we supposed to do, Dambuza? I can’t be with you and I can’t stay away from you?”

“What happened to your new man?”

“That was nothing.”

They sat in silence for some minutes. He could hear her crying, almost 500 kilometres away in Francistown and he could do nothing to help her. He wished he was there to take her in his arms.  “I need to see you Dambuza. Can I come this weekend? Can I spend the weekend with you?”

“I don’t know, Bontle. You’re the one who started everything.”

“Please, Dambuza. I just need to see you.”

“How is it going to help anything?”

“I don’t know ….I just know I need to see you, baby…please.”

Dambuza would not let the mother of his children beg. He respected her too much for that. “Okay. Okay fine. I’ll see you this weekend, we can talk then.”

“I love you, Dambuza,” she said.

Dambuza kept quiet and hung up the phone.

***

Baleka woke up feeling nauseous. She had a terrible headache and had two places where pieces of her body had been cut away, small wounds on her thigh and her upper arm. They’d covered the wounds with gauze. They’d taken her out four days ago now and they’d done nothing since. They brought the food and water and that was all. She wondered where they’d gone to. She wondered what would happen to them if the people got caught and arrested. They could die in this hole.

She wondered if there was some way she could stay awake when they took her that side, if she could stop herself from breathing the chemical on the cloth. She was desperate to know what they did to her. How they violated her body. The mystery was nearly the worst part of it.

“Come and eat,” George said from the bed. He’d laid out the food they recently brought. It was beans and samp.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked.

“A bit, eating might help.”

She sat down opposite George. They’d been together for twenty-six days now, he felt more like family to her than her own family who were disappearing in her mind. She feared she was disappearing for them too. Would Moarabi even know her when she finally left this room? For a three year old, twenty-six days was a long time. She missed Les, even as much as they fought she loved him. She knew he’d still be looking for her, still be thinking about her. She knew that. It had to be true. She held on to that thought.

“I guess your parents just think you’re still in Botswana.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Maybe my brother will come to check. He said he might come in February or March. Maybe he went back and told them I’m gone. I sort of hope he didn’t. I don’t want them to worry about me. They have enough to worry about in Zimbabwe.”

“Yeah.” Baleka ate a few bites of the food and then stopped. It wasn’t helping. She hoped this sickness would pass. She hoped it wasn’t the beginning of the end. She wondered if they got sick because of something their captors did to them or something they gave them. Being in that dark underground room with only a tiny hole for air could be the problem too.

“George, do you think we could fight them when they come next time? They’re only two and one is a woman.”

“But that man is big. And the chemical. It’s like magic, one sniff and you’re out. They’d just knock us out with it. Phatsimo said Tiny tried once and that was when they took her out forever…killed her I guess.”

Baleka was surprised George said that, he still talked as if he believed the others, especially Phatsimo, were released. “But if we got the cloth first. We could wait in the dark, in the corner and grab the cloth first. We could use it on them.”

“I don’t know. You’re sick and weak. If it fails they’ll kill us.”

“George, they’re going to kill us anyway,” Baleka said. “We might as well try.” 

No to hatred

Last week a child about 7 or so ''confused'' me for a Zimbabwean national while i was shopping in Nzano Mall.She asked me in Shona, where i had picked a particular item.I smiled at her and directed her in English.Her mom smiled back and tried to make conversation in Shona.I explained to her that it would be an absolute pleasure to converse in her language but i could only reply in English and Kalanga and there and there i made a new friend.We talked about how often im confused for a foreigner in my country and how my looks are more suited to foreign lands.See i do not have the typical tswana look,if you know what i mean.I have met Zambians who've assumed i'm Zambian.I have even met Nigerians, but then my accent gave me away.I have met Zimbabweans who have rightfully claimed me to be one of their own.My great greats were once offered a place of refuge in Zim...i'm part and parcel  of the Kalanga  history that isn't  really written down yet...My Chief was offered refuge in Zim....for  a good number of years i was raised by a hard working Zim sister who never hurt a fly,one of the most honest,responsible women i have ever known. It hurts a sister to see all the hatred misdirected on souls who are already  suffering because of a situation beyond their control.Of the few South Africans that perpetuate this hatred,imagine if you were confused to be a foreigner and treated the way you have treated your African brothers..would it be the kind of treatment you'ld want to get.South Africa,you have been the country that Africa wants to emulate but this time you've done more than just disappoint us.You have tarnished your rainbow nation flag.You have your african brothers blood on your hands.Make things right,before its too late

The Vanishings by Lauri Kubuitsile:Chapters 17 and 18

Chapter 17

“I can hear them. They’re coming,” George whispered in Baleka’s ear as she lay on the bed. She looked up at the high window and it was still dark. They never came for them in the dark. She suspected it was early morning, maybe three or four but couldn’t be sure. 

George also knew it was odd. “Maybe they’re bringing Phatsimo back.”

Baleka kept quiet. She knew that was doubtful. She’d been gone seven days. She had either been let out or she died. They hadn’t been to take either one of them since they took Phatsimo out. Baleka thought maybe Phatsimo died and now they had far too many human bits to sell for their muti, they didn’t need to take their blood and pieces of their flesh.

The footsteps came closer. They were definitely two people. They were coming closer and they were coming for one of them. Baleka stood up readying herself.

The door opened. The taller one entered first. Baleka knew now, since she’d grabbed him that day, that he was a Motswana and he was a man. A married Motswana man. Baleka stood in the shadow under the window. The man said nothing but looked around. George was there, but he had no interest in him. He’d come for Baleka but couldn’t see her.

George asked, “When are you bringing Phatsimo back?”

The man said nothing. The shorter one behind had locked the door. The two captors looked at each other. Baleka could tell they couldn’t see her. The shorter one reached for the chain of the one bulb in the long room and turned it on. As soon as the light came on, Baleka spoke in Setswana. “How can you do this to your own people? You’re dirt!”

“Voetsek you bitch!” the man spat out.

“Shut up!” the shorter one said. Now Baleka knew. As she suspected, the shorter one was a woman, and a foreigner. Every bit of information was important. Baleka knew it would help her, help her to survive, to escape.

The man came forward with the cloth and Baleka kicked him hard between the legs many times. Her feet hit his legs and his arms as he tried to use them to protect himself. He bent over in pain but still managed to hold her arms tightly. The woman took only seconds to grab the cloth from the man’s hand and push it over Baleka’s mouth then everything went black.

***

Dambuza and Delly went back at her house. They’d spoken with the university administration and apparently the human foetus in Renet’s lab belonged to the department. They had nothing on the man yet, but Dambuza knew he was hiding something. And like Delly had said, he was very creepy.

It had been a scorching hot day, the kind Maun had in numbers during the long summer. The sun had set and the cool breeze coming off the river blew across the veranda like a welcomed gift. Delly had one of the prime spots in Maun. When she got it shortly after coming to Maun, she’d been out in the bush. Now the town had grown to meet her.

“I think he was sleeping with that woman. I bet it,” Delly said. “He was lying.”

“Maybe…By the way, I was going to ask you when you managed to open your private investigating firm.”

Delly looked at him. “That fucker wanted to bully me. I needed a plan, that’s the plan that came to me. Sue me. Anyway, who’s to say I don’t have a private investigating firm?”

“Well, one thing I can say, there was indeed some lying going on in that office, that’s one thing I can say with certainty, and it wasn’t only coming from the good doctor.” 

“So what do you think? Is he involved?”

“I don’t know, but I don’t like the guy. Arrogant, ugly, and rude all in one package, just doesn’t seem fair.” Dambuza finished his beer. Delly got up to get another one and Dambuza raised his hand to stop her. “Nope, I’m off.”

“Off to where?”

“Church.”

Delly laughed and Bob woke up in the corner and howled twice and fell back down to sleep. “You? To church? You don’t seem like the church going type.”

“We all have to start somewhere.”

***

It’d been almost two weeks since Dambuza had last visited the Spiritual Awakening Church and those two weeks had been a time of transformation. The walls of the church had all been plastered and painted a golden yellow. Glass had been fitted in the windows and the window frames painted white. A new face brick stop nonsense wall encircled the plot with a wrought iron gate at the front. Yes, business was good in the God business.

Plenty of cars were parked in the plot and Dambuza could hear he was late. Voices sang from inside and, from the sound, he suspected the place was packed. He slipped in and stood at the back. The place couldn’t even be recognised as the same church. Inside, the walls had been plastered and electric lights and ceiling fans were installed. There were rows and rows of new benches, but even those were not enough to hold the gathering. People lined the walls and sat at the front. The place was overflowing.

Reverend Tladi stood at the front. Next to him stood a shorter, smartly dressed, middle aged white woman. As the music died down Reverent Tladi moved to the pulpit. He spoke in Setswana which he immediately translated into English for his guest.

“Welcome my sisters and brother. I am warm in my heart to see how many of you have come to pray for the vanished ones. We live in fear in Maun. Evil walks among us. We do not know who they are, but know they are here. Do not doubt that. They live with us. Only God can keep us safe, only God can keep us from joining the vanished ones. Let us pray.”

He prayed and Dambuza looked around. He saw MmaShorty at the front. In the middle was Phatsimo’s mother. Even Les was in the crowd. Everyone was hoping God would find their lost loved ones.

“I want to introduce our guest who really needs no introduction. Church members know her as our mother.” The crowd answered back with a hail of Hallelujahs and Amens. “For those new to the church, this is Mma Johnson. She has come back to us to help us in our fight.”

Dambuza looked up at the woman. She waved her hands at the crowd, her fingers heavy with rings of gold and diamonds. She’d come back, Dambuza suspected, not to fight evil and help find the disappeared people but because the money was rolling in and she didn’t want to miss the gravy train-but then he was suspicious by nature.

Dambuza tried to stay hidden behind people. He didn’t want Tladi to know he was there. The good Reverend moved to the side and let the American woman speak, while he translated into Setswana.  She piled on more about the evil and the saving by God. Stoke up the fear, show them where to be safe, get them dependent. Dambuza had to admit she was good.

Dambuza was just about to leave when the collection baskets came out. The congregation sang while the baskets were passed. Dambuza was shocked. People who looked as if they hardly had a Pula to their names were pulling out pink P200 notes and dropping them in the basket. The collection men carried the full baskets to the front and dumped the money on a table. Reverend Tladi pushed the cash into a big bin at the end of the table.

***

Dambuza slipped out of the service before it ended, he didn’t want to be spotted. He stopped at Chuck’s on the way home. It was a Tuesday night so the crowd was thin. Dambuza got a beer and a shot and sat at the end of the bar in the shadows to watch a repeat of a Zebras game.

After some minutes a woman came up next to him. “Anyone sitting here?”

“No.” Dambuza could tell she was not just looking for a place to sit, she wanted that bar stool, despite the fact there was almost a bar full of empty ones. He looked back at the TV.

She ordered a Hunter’s and poured it in a glass. “You new here?”

“Yep.” Dambuza turned to her. She looked about 35, a rough 35 trying to cover the bumpiness of life with far too much make-up. She wore a low cut, tight fitting shirt and a push-up bra that was doing serious overtime. He went back to looking at the TV.

He knew this woman. He’d met her a hundred times before. They were in bars all over Botswana, maybe all over the world. They were not bad women, they were playing a game. She was just testing if he was playing it too. It would be easy. God knew he could use the relief. Sex had made an exit from his life since he’d moved to Maun.

He’d heard nothing from Nana since their date on Friday. In a way he was thankful. It was too much. He was feeling too much. Right now he needed numbness. His life was upside down. He missed his kids and, despite the fact that he told himself he didn’t give a shit about Bontle, he did. He missed her. She’d been a constant in his life for as long as he could remember. Now where she was supposed to be was empty and he felt lost, drifting away without his anchor. When he thought of her with someone else he became furious. Just the thought that someone else was touching her body drove him wild with fury. He had enough emotions from all sides of the spectrum, the only thing he needed was a tall, cold, glass of numb.

He called the bartender over. “Bring another shot and a beer for me and whatever the lady’s having.”

“Well thanks, baby.” When the bartender set their drinks on the counter, she picked up her pink shot and held it up to Dambuza’s whiskey. “Cheers!”

They downed them and she smiled. “So what’s your name?”

“Dambuza, Dambuza Chakalisa.”

Just then the door at the front opened. Hamilton Ride walked in with his arm around Nana’s shoulders. Dambuza quickly looked away. He hit his shot glass on the bar and the bartender filled it up. He looked at Nana but she couldn’t see him. She stood behind Hamilton as he ordered drinks at the far end of the bar. Her body pressed against his, her arms wrapped around his waist.

“What’s your name?” Dambuza asked the woman next to him.

“Tebogo. But my friends call me Tebby. If you want you can call me Tebby.” She drank another pink shot and then sipped at her Hunter’s.

Dambuza kept quiet as he watched Hamilton and Nana move to a table around the corner where he couldn’t see them anymore. Another whiskey shot maybe two and he’d be about where he needed to be, Dambuza thought. He watched the game and drank his whiskey.

He was sure that was all he needed to get through the night. In the end, he was wrong on both counts. It took five more shots to get him to the place he needed and the whiskey was not going to be enough.

“So Tebby, how about we go to my house for drinks. This place is getting crowded.”

Tebby looked around at the empty bar and laughed. “Okay… sure.”

Chapter 18

The alarm went and the sound banged against the inside of Dambuza’s head like a hammer on a piece of iron. He sat up and waited as his parts recognised the new vertical position they were in before opening his eyes and letting in the blast of light he was sure would send another spike through his brain. His guest was gone. Thankfully, Tebby had insisted she had to bring her own car as she had to work in the morning and slipped away in the early hours.

He downed a Grand-pa with half a beer and stumbled to the shower. As the water beat against his face he wondered if he had a gene that dictated that he would be a fuck-up. Maybe he was fighting a losing battle. Perhaps everything had been set the moment his father’s sperm met his mother’s egg. You couldn’t mess with genetics, and you couldn’t be blamed either. If that wasn’t the case, why did he keep doing the same thing over and over like a hamster on a metal wheel? Couldn’t he just step off?

He kept seeing Nana hugging Hamilton. Even though she said he wasn’t her type, he certainly seemed her type the night before. Why had he even got himself in the position that he cared who Nana’s type was? He wasn’t Nana’s type. He knew that the first day he saw her, how had he forgotten? And besides, he was fucked-up. He didn’t need anyone like Nana. He needed Tebbys -a long, long line of Tebbys one after another. He wanted no feeling. Tebbys let him coast. But Bontles and Nanas were another story. They pushed his emotional buttons and sent him to the place where all he was were feelings. No Bontles, no Nanas. That was his new policy. He hoped he’d stick to it.

He wiped himself off and threw on some clothes. He felt refreshed. He had a new plan and he was backdating it so today was day two of Operation No Feelings. Good. He drank a cup of coffee with a beer chaser, brushed his teeth and left for work.

***

He decided he needed to head back to Makalamabedi. He needed to speak to Tiny Thebeetsile’s family. Maybe they knew something about her relationship with Dr Renet. He asked around once he was in the village and got directions to the compound. It had three small cement houses. He saw a broken car at the back of the plot. When he pulled up a woman came out of the house. She looked about forty, dressed in a letaise and a doek.

“Dumela Rra,” she said when he entered the yard. “Can I help you?”

“Yes, is this the compound for Tiny Thebeetsile?” Dambuza asked.

“Who is asking?”

“I’m Detective Dambuza from the Maun Police.”

She went in the house to fetch some chairs. When she came out she was followed by a very old woman, hunched over and walking with a stick. “This is my mother-in-law, Tiny’s mother,” the woman said.

They pulled the chairs out of the hot sun and sat down.  “I wonder what the police want about Tiny. They said the lion got her. We had a funeral,” the old woman said as if speaking to herself.

“I’m just trying to clear up a few issues.” Dambuza had no interest in reopening wounds that were starting to heal. “Did you know a friend of Tiny’s, a white man from the university called Dr. Renet?”

The older woman nodded. “Ee, he’s a very good man. A good man.”

“Yes, he was Tiny’s friend. He came for the funeral. He gave my husband a lot of money to pay for things,” the younger woman said.

“Do you know what his relationship with Tiny was?”

“Do you mean were they lovers?” the younger woman asked and Dambuza nodded. “Tiny used to say that and we teased her about it. We thought she was talking nonsense. You know she was not well mentally so sometimes she said things that made no sense. We wondered what an educated, rich, white man would want with Tiny. But after the funeral we thought otherwise. The way he behaved. Maybe they were lovers, I don’t know. She spent a lot of time in Maun, we thought it was with that church of hers, maybe she was with him.”

“And the church?” Dambuza asked. “What did you think of it?”

“I went with her for a while. I liked that young priest, the black one, but those whites- no.”

“Why?”

The younger woman shook her head. The old woman spoke. “They’re greedy. They liked making you feel like if you don’t do what they say you’re going to hell. A lot of nonsense! I told Tiny the ancestors don’t like her being with those kinds of people. I even took her to Rre Khathurima to try and get her some help, to get her away from them. But he failed. They’re very strong those white people. Maybe they sent the lion when they heard Tiny might leave the church. They are powerful with their magic. Look how the people give them all of their money until they can’t even feed their children.”

***

Dambuza left the two women and started heading back to Maun but then thought twice and turned back to the village. He wanted to speak to the traditional doctor again. He wanted to hear if he’d learned anything else about Tiny and Dr Renet during the sessions he had with Tiny. Or even something else that might help the case.

When he pulled up to the shady compound the doctor was already waiting at the gate. “Policeman, you are here.”

“Yes, I wondered if you had any time to talk to me or were you on your way somewhere?”

“No, I was waiting for you.”

Dambuza felt a chill run through his body when the doctor said that. He followed the old man into the consultation hut. “Have you found them yet?” the doctor asked.

“No.”

“Time is going. You must find them. They will soon all be dead.”

Dambuza didn’t want to believe that Khathurima had special powers that let him see things others couldn’t but how did he know Dambuza was coming to him? But then Dambuza reminded himself that news travelled quickly in small villages. The doctor likely knew Dambuza was around.

“I understand one of the missing, Tiny Thebeetsile, came to you for help before she disappeared.”

He nodded his head, closing his eyes as if trying to remember. “Her mother brought her, she was the one wanting help. Tiny was happy. She didn’t need anything from me.”

“You spoke to her about her church.” Dambuza was trying to get information that the doctor seemed unwilling to part with.

“Yes.”

“Did she tell you anything that might help us find her?”

“No, you can’t find her, she’s dead.”

“Yes, I know there was a funeral and the family believe she was killed by lions….” 

“No, no lions,” the doctor interrupted.

“How do you know she’s dead?”

“I know.”

Dambuza was getting annoyed. “Perhaps you know because you’re involved. Many doctors use human parts to make powerful medicines. Is that it then Rre Khathurima? Is this why you know so much about this case?”

The doctor smiled. “You’re frustrated. You can’t find these people. That’s fine. I will accept that. There are doctors who do as you say, but I’m not one of them. Spend your time finding that answer to the wrong question, but it will be a waste. Wasted time is what you don’t need right now.”

Dambuza sat back against the low chair he’d been given. “Do you know anything about the white man Tiny was seeing?”

“They were lovers. Her troubled mind was finally settled and then she was taken.”

“Did she tell you that?”

“Not exactly, but I knew. But didn’t you come to ask me about the church?”

Again Dambuza was caught off guard. “Yes. Was Tiny going to leave the church?”

“I doubt it, she believed them. They have a powerful pull for people who are weak.”

“Do you think the church is involved in these disappearances?”

“I can’t say. I see nothing in my dreams. It could be anyone.” The doctor suddenly reached forward, his eyes focussed, and grabbed Dambuza’s arm. “I told your white friend, they’re dangerous and they are close. You must be vigilant. And you must hurry. They will not last much longer.”

Dambuza shot to his feet as soon as the old man let go of his arm. He rushed to his car and sped away from the village. He wanted to get away from Makalamabedi and back to Maun.

As he drove back to Maun his hangover tried to regroup and his head pounded. He tried to concentrate on pulling all of the connections together. Was the church somehow involved? Could they really kill people to make money for the church? It seemed impossible but then money was a common, powerful motive for murder.

Something was up with Renet too, but his only connection was to Tiny. Dambuza reminded himself he still had no solid reason to think the disappearances were linked. Maybe he had five cases not one. But what was Renet sleeping with Tiny for, an uneducated village woman? And then what was this doctor on about? Was Delly in some sort of danger?

Just then his phone rang, it was Delly. “Dambuza, I’m out ferrying tourists to South Gate and guess who I just spotted?”

“I don’t know, who?”

“Renet! Creeping around in the bush like some weirdo. Meet me about fifty kilometres along the road in about an hour- I think we should follow him.”

Dambuza hung up but wondered if Delly’s new image of herself as a private investigator had not gone to her head. Now she was following suspects.

***

By the time Dambuza found Delly’s Land Rover parked at the side of the road, the sun was setting. He was sure they were wasting their time. He parked the Corolla which settled itself with an unhealthy sounding rattle and climbed into the Land Rover next to Delly. She had her binoculars out and was staring into the bush.

“He’s burying something,” Delly said keeping her eyes firmly on her suspect. “He’s been at it for more than an hour.”

“You have been sitting here watching him all that time?”

She put the binoculars down and looked at him. “Sure, I’m on stakeout.”

“A stakeout?” Dambuza took the binoculars. Renet was out there and he was digging. He seemed to be digging all over and then covering the holes up. Dambuza put the binoculars down. “I think he’s looking for bugs. Let’s go.”

“Nope. Yeah, now he’s doing that, but I’m telling you for about an hour he was digging a big hole and then covering it up. A grave, I bet.”

“Okay, Delly, I think you need to chill a bit. It would mean he brought a dead body out here in broad daylight. Even an inexperienced killer wouldn’t do that. You seem to have watched a lot of detective movies, I would have thought you’d have picked up on that.”

She ignored his jibes. “Maybe. Or maybe he thought nobody would expect him to do that so he did it. Reverse psychology. So now- what do we do?”

“Why don’t we walk over there and ask him what he’s doing?” Dambuza suggested and Delly’s enthusiasm took a dive. “So what now you want car chases and gun fights?”

“Not really… well, maybe a car chase.”

“In these heaps of ours?” Dambuza asked.

They locked up the cars and started walking towards Renet. Without the binoculars, Renet was much further away than Dambuza had expected. Deep in the bush where the snakes and the other wild animals were waiting with empty stomachs. “Don’t you have a gun in the Rover?”

“They don’t let us have guns. It’s the law. What about you? Police must have a gun somewhere.”

“Only in a locked cabinet back at the station. It’s the law. I guess if we don’t get eaten by lions, we’ll get killed by the criminals.”

“Comforting thought.”  They walked a bit further and Delly said, “But lions won’t trouble us here. It’s elephants we need to keep our eyes open for.”

Great, Dambuza thought. Trampled to death by an elephant Dambuza suspected was one of the worst kinds of deaths. He could just see Renet through a patch of trees ahead. He was still busy with his shovel, but Dambuza couldn’t see exactly what he was doing. There seemed to be a long case of some sort on the ground and Renet kept bending down and doing something in it.

When they came out of the patch of trees Dambuza stepped on a stick that cracked loud enough for Renet to hear. He looked up and saw them. He immediately bent down to close the case and then stood with his shovel waiting. He was far too arrogant to run.

When they got up to him, he said nothing just looked at them with his empty eyes. Dambuza could see that Delly was right. He had dug quite a long trench and then filled it back up again. There were also several smaller holes recently dug and refilled. There was no pattern to the holes. The case he’d been fiddling with was very long, much like a wooden tool box, with six small drawers at the front. Dambuza could see it was closed tightly and padlocked.

“So Dr. Renet, what a strange place for us to happen upon you,” Dambuza said.

“I could say the same for you. I think you’re following me,” Renet said.

“What are digging out here?” Delly asked. Renet ignored her.

Dambuza could see a university vehicle parked behind some low bushes. It looked like it had been parked so as to be hidden. “Could I borrow your shovel, Doctor?”

“No.” Renet held the shovel with two hands.

“You can continue to be uncooperative but you’re not making any friends. I can get a shovel and dig up what you buried. Or you can tell me and we all go home nice-nice,” Dambuza said.

“This is my work. Why do you want to interfere with it?” Renet snapped.

Delly moved closer and looked at the case. “The question is -what is your work?”

“You know my work- don’t play at being stupid. I really don’t know what this old woman wants here.”  He started walking to his car with the shovel.

Delly made to go after him but Dambuza held her back.

“Open the case,” Dambuza said. He knew he had no authority to force him to do it but hoped a foreigner instructed by a police officer to do something might be enough, though it hadn’t worked with the shovel.

“No, there is nothing in there you need to see.”

“Why lock it if it’s only bugs?” Delly asked while walking toward it. Renet was still at the car so took a moment to get back to guard his case. By then Delly had opened the drawers at the front. The lock was only for the bigger middle part. In the drawers were vials with insects in. Maybe he was telling the truth, Dambuza thought, but if he was, why was he being so troublesome?

“Why did you say you hardly knew Tiny Thebeetsile?” Dambuza asked.

Renet was on the ground closing the drawers in his case and then he lifted the heavy box and struggled to get it in the back of the vehicle. Once done he turned to Dambuza. “I don’t need to tell you anything.”

Dambuza walked over to where Renet stood and moved closer and closer toward him as he spoke. “I’ve always hated a coward. A man who beats a woman is a coward and, worst still, when he beats his own woman, the one he claims to love and protect. Did you beat Tiny until you killed her? Is that why you felt so fucking guilty you emptied your pockets out at Makalamabedi?  Is that it, you piece of trash?”

By the time he was through, he had Renet by the neck and was pushing his head into the side of the van. Delly rushed in just before Dambuza started bouncing Renet’s head off the metal.

“Okay, I think he gets it,” she said removing Dambuza’s fingers from around Renet’s neck. Red marks, preparing to turn purple, were left behind.

Delly pulled Dambuza away and Renet quickly packed up his van and sped off through the bush.

“What was that about?” Delly asked.

Dambuza shook his head. He didn’t know. He never knew where that anger came from, but when it came he had little control over it. It frightened him. It made him feel weak; a real man can control himself, he doesn’t lose his head like that. He sat down on a rock. It was getting dark now, they needed to go, he thought vaguely.

“I have a couple shovels and a torch in the car. You want to do some digging? It might wear off a bit of that excess energy you got?” Delly asked.

Dambuza nodded but stayed sitting. Delly pulled out her pocket torch and headed to the car. Dambuza felt weak from the sudden adrenaline rush. His head was pounding and what he really needed was a beer, not to be out here shovelling in the dark.

“Here.” Delly handed him a shovel. “I think we should start on the big one.”

They both started digging as the heavy orange moon whitened and rose in the sky. Soon they didn’t even need the torch the moon was so bright. They dug for about a half hour and found nothing. “Maybe the asshole was telling the truth,” Dambuza said.

“Don’t speak so quickly. What the hell is this?” Delly held her shovel out for Dambuza to see.

He grabbed the torch from where they’d dropped it and shown a light on the soil on her shovel. There was something in there. He pushed the soil to the side and then he saw it. It was a finger and it was from a human.

“He killed her, the sonofabitch. He killed Tiny,” Delly said. “And then he cut her up and buried her out here.”