Morning blues: growing up: i need a doctor

I woke up on the wrong side of the bed,a little grumpy and unwilling to go to work.But then I decided to just drag my self and go do what I said I am committed to do.I put on my favorite jacket.I'm sure if you look at my profile pics you know which one it is,the yellow one,with the african feel to it,it has a geometric  black pattern,I added a white top and blue skirt,and yes my new brown mokwanyakwakwanyas and wala I had the perfect outfit to uplift my mood (ps let me intimate to you that I'm still struggling with heels so I don't use any twelve inch heels or anything like that,just a reasonable 2 or so cm,plus I'm tall and I don't want fellas thinking I'm too tall a girl  : I need a lesson in heels sisters,bokgarebe bo hitile nako e neng kele tom boy back in the day)

I then went to the anaesthetic department.First person I see when I get there is one very nice loving female nurse who showers me with tons and tons of compliments about the way I'm dressed.I like her.not because of the compliments.she is one of those people who is always nice.ga a di mood.

seems like my Lucky jacket is working  I change into hospital scrubs and just as I enter the anaesthetic room I receive two of the warmest hugs from my fellow anaesthetists,apparently they missed my smile.I'm a hug lover.always have been.Its funny how I get compliments of having a beautiful smile when I have a missing tooth and some of my teeth are not well aligned,but hey,I am not complaining,God uses the imperfect things to put to shame what? Scripture is gone  the Beauty of working in a male dominated environment,one gets showered with tremendous brotherly love.

I meet a female nurse in theater 1,she is very enthusiatic: promtly introduces herself and asks me to carry on with giving fluids and resiting a cannula.She talks to her patient explaining what's going on every step of the way.I'm even taught about Bupivicaine and spinal anaesthia.I'm impressed.I'm always impressed when someone does their job very well and goes out of their way to engage the younger ones.I give her 5stars in my head.could have said it out loud,but surgeons are here,attending to the patient,and we all know tranquility is most preferred by my fellow co workers.Glad I made it to work this morning,now chilling and waiting for the next Open reduction and internal fixation procedure.I hope to intubate soon 

im told we gonna have to wait an hr 3omins for a drill.Somehow something is always missing here.yesterday there was no linen.

Anyway i have Anaesthesialove: who said medicine is boring 

Wilson Ngoni ;The artist

My friend Wilson Ngoni has super amazing talent.I just went through most of his artwork on Facebook and i was blown away by his work.He is super talented.But the picture below left me speechless.More of his work can be found on Wilsonngoni art on facebook and on his google page https://plus.google.com/u/0/111268440907155442584/posts. We have exceptional  talent in Botswana!

Collection of my fav love poems

One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,   

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:   

I love you as one loves certain obscure things,   

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries   

the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,   

and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose   

from the earth lives dimly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,   

I love you directly without problems or pride:

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,   

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,   

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

I was born with a trembling heart
a set of arms
always opening closets
instead of pulling triggers
see
where i come from
strong arms pull triggers
and those that  don't,
survive by knowing the truth
to escape in time
arms don't hold things
they don't untangle undying  knots
 like the knots in my stomach
that keep filling a bottomless pit
every-time you try to hold me close
see i have never done close before
without closing off
i cant sleep through the sound of your beating heart
when it comes that close
it keeps me awake mining  for truths you are hiding
 in jackets and pockets of last night 's meetings
and overseas travels and working late
cause i don't understand cosiness
that comes at no prize
nothing is free in this world
i understand bruises as blue as the sky
and denial in layers of make up
and i know love hurts
strangers cannot touch your heart
but lovers can rip it out of chest cause they know where exactly you keep them
my grandmother says during their time they were told to not mine for truths
that they were not ready to find
but i would rather unearth bombs before they blow in my face
cause i'm scared of explosions i never see coming

COLLECTION OF BEAUTIFUL WEDDING VOWS

"I promise to encourage your individuality because that is what makes you unique and wonderful,I promise to be patient and to remember that all things between us are rooted in love,I promise to help shoulder our challenges because through them we'll emerge soo much stronger,I promise to share with you the joys of life because with you they will be that much sweeter.I will share in your dreams,and promise to support you as you strive to achieve your goals,I promise to be your partner in all things,not possessing you,but working with you as a part of the whole,I promise to love you loyally and fiercely,for as long as i live,this is my sacred vow to you,my equal in all things'' Paula and Jerome-Tobago Trailer

http://vimeo.com/112227908

Setting financial goals for the month of December

I want to try this out,to see if in the last lap of the year i can achieve a certain kind of financial freedom,to see if i can achieve certain financial goals this month.

1.Pay for monthly expenses on time:paid for internet,house phone,water and maid; left with buying electricity :) not bad
2.Get medical aid cover this month:to do on monday ,Funeral plan cover-february 2015
3.Find ways to reduce monthly living costs or at least maintain them at what they currently are
4.Invest a quarter of income in a small scale project and ensure that i make double what i invested
5.No impulsive spending:so hard to do,i buy junk at the mall,maybe i should leave with minimum money on me
6.Save a certain amount for a 6 month emergency cash stash
7.Save for a car
8.Save for furtniture
9.Pack lunch this month,eat break-fast at home :)
10.Find a part time job,or create an extra source of  income  to top up cash for buying my car and furniture  :)

They tried to bury you,they did not know you were a seed

Disclaimer ;i am not affiliated to any political party,i have no intentions of being affiliated to either one in the near future,unless the heavens say so

 But

I must say i admire personal traits in a good leader and my writer self does not agree to sleep without paying tribute where its due.

I must say among the many leaders i admire,among them, BDP kwankwetlas like bo Dorcus Makgatho Malesu  not just because she is the Minister of health lol,(ga ke lopele))  but because of her personal traits ,BCP big guns bo Dumelang Shaleshando for having over the years built an opposition strong enough to keep the political playground in check, and so many others i cant mention individually, i must say I admire this leader.

Im sure the ruling party is aware they lost a great member in this man.Not so many leaders host thank you lunches after being elected. Not so many ask for the mere man in the street's opinion before making a speech in response to SONA.Not so many display the humility i have sensed in this man's posts.Not so many speak wisdom filled words like i have read in this man's posts..Not so many

He comes across as approachable.Like he is an ordinary guy in the street.Like morongwa o o lebelo,o o tsebe ntlha go utlwa.I have not met him personally,but from the posts i have read,it seems as if he just doesn't come across as so,but rather he is what he seems to be.

Sometimes all we want form our leaders is to feel that we are being heard.That our opinions matter no matter how insignificant we may be in the social strata.And that our bruised voices  have a father figure,or a mother figure in the form of an MP,a minister,a councillor or whatever position of leadership one is in, to nurse back our voices to a sound so powerful it leaves no option but to be heard,and  when we cant be heard,for  the leader to VOICE  OUR NEEDS in our own voice.

Something New Every Day Challenge

I'm challenging myself to do something new every day for the next 365 days from today! I will update this diary as i go along

19/11/14
I called the Women Affairs office in Francistown to enquire about the women's grant they have available.I was told its only available to non working women.I am making a mental note to write a letter to whoever is in office,to reserve some grants for the working class more especially the working youth who may be interested in entrepreneurship.


20/11/2014
I drank a litre of water today.Trying to create a habit of at-least drinking 2 litres of water per day

21\11\2014
I listened to an audioversion of the book of proverbs,wanted to complete the whole book,but dozed off while listening.Will complete it today

22/11/2014
I attended the BDF concert in Francistown,its a fundraising concert for different charity organisations.It was super awesome,started on a low note but the ending was superb.Glad i was dragged along.

23/11/14
I was on call today,but managed to go see my siblings perform a christmas play at their church.They have been going to Light of the world church ever since i can remember.Glad my call was super quiet and i got to see them act in a play for the very first time.

24/11/2014
Today i just had a quiet night.No commitments.Nothing.Helped me to clear my head.

25/11/2014
Went out with my buddies for a we just got paid lunch at the New Nandos Mall.We have never done that before on pay day.Sometimes you have to enjoy your pay check while you still kicking.Who knows where i would be tomorrow.

26/11/2014
Paid for internet,a day after pay day,im usually slow paying off living expenses,so hi-five to me :)

27/11/2014
On call today,couldnt think of anything i haven't done yet  to do.Maybe its the best time to buy my siblings their gifts.They did well at school,and i promised gifts :) Cant go now because its already late

01/12/14
i took my twin siblings out to Wimpy,we got their end of term you did great gifts.They were happy and so was i :)

05/11/2014
I joined Botswana Student Network today.I met young beautiful women who are passionate about making a difference.It was awesome being among passionate young people :)

Humility

Who i want to be when i grow up

And then one day you meet this person.
This person whose aura radiates pure selflessness.You are drawn closer and closer to their inner being.You want to soak in the steam of their purity.Want to mosturize your inner being with the untainted virtue of their collectedness,of their tamed tongue,of their gentleness.You want to blanket your cold soul with their think tank,take in all their wisdom,let it go viral,
This person gently touches your soul with the presence of their being.No speech.No words.Just altruistic motives.An unadulterated human being.You want to sync in with their vibe.Hashtag yourself to the definition of their being.
Whats their label?

# Humility!

You want to carry it like a Louis Vuitton bag.

Proud.

Like its your most prized possession.Like its your only possession worthy of being shown off.

Humility!

You want to taste this life,of not looking down on anybody.
Taste humility.Lick it before it melts away.Let the memory savour long enough,you can tell your great grandchildren how good a lick of humility can be way after the coldness has evaporated from your soul.
Crunch on its core teaching.Lick humility like a kid eating their first ice cream cone.With great fascination.Enjoying every bite,of humility.

Humility

Priceless!

You gape in awe.In flabbergasted wonder.In total disbelief.Wondering if truly a person this good does really exist.You try to fault find this HUMAN being.

You Search and search,phoraphoring the corners of their soul,peeping into the window of their desires for that one dirting spot.Could a human BEING be this blameless? Be this spotless?

When it hits you,it hits you hard.You shout Euraka! Eureka! ,i got it,I got it,''i have been trying to find a needle in a haystack,''you say.
You accept.Some of God's angels walk the face of the earth and we without eyes think we walk besides humans.

Perhaps this human being is the rasta guy at the end of your street,trying to make ends meet,through honest means.

Perhaps This guy is the driver giving his all,feeding his toddler kids through his lunch hour with his meagre means.

Perhaps This guy is the Mmamochachose lady braaing meat,under the hot summer heat, every single day on her feet,singing to the tune of her own heartbeat.

Perhaps This guy is your maid,who gives you all her aid,without being paid .

Perhaps This guy is the nurse,the doctor,the teacher,the cook,the waiter,the hairdresser,the driver,the mother,the carpenter,the security guard,the pump attendant,the politician,the councillor,the pastor,the sister,the brother,the classmate,the church mate,the beer buddy,the father,the guy, you always pass on your street.

Perhaps the greatness you have been searching for has been right beside you all along.

Perhaps Who i want to be when i grow up; is The greatness walking beside me all along

Depression

When the coffin was laid in her daughter's grave 
she left with the daughter she could not save

i obsessed on how long it took
 for life to return 
to the walking dead 

I had never seen a face so dressed in grief
a massacre of guilt for a life so brief 

I had never seen a woman,so finished with life
 a woman once brave 
holding her ache between her porous fingers
bent down by her soul's weight

i thought her whole being would start to pour,to bleed
it scoured my insides clean
hollowed me for years
to see her  sparkle wither 
her bones give way

When the sun in our sky refuses to shine
and our hope has been melted down to nothingness
when our reflection isn't something we can stand to look at 
and we have clawed the Gods for answers for our dead sons and daughters
woken up with dawn only to crumble with fatigue 
when food ceases to  taste 
and we do not hear the words anymore
'eat,eat,stay alive'
and we do not live the words anymore

when our souls become echoing halls
empty empty 
we learn sorrow is the hardest season
so much is wilting
 tears are falling 
 but no amount of falling 
falling on the ground can get us to fall asleep 

When we only hear  the words
you could have done better 
you could have done better
you could have

we should know we need to let go
God knows we do

We all have our reasons for forgetting to breathe!

and I wonder
 if Jehovah held his breath
the first time his fingers touched your mould
the same way your  mother held her breath
the first time she set her eyes on your soul

We all have our reasons
 for forgetting to breathe!

So when you leave me for dead
i don't wanna cry foul 
I want you to know

I said ,'tell me everything you know!'

She said

''Being you can hurt
being you can hurt sometimes
But its the only thing that you know''


Your heart is never closing
Your warmth is never fading
your soul is ever giving
your eye is ever shining

i been watching you
i been spying from a safe place

i been watching you
sunning someone's cold

you should have seen her face
you should have seen his face

But i want to catch your fever 


I want the scratch in my throat
to forever hold you on a pedestal

being watching you bend a knee
being watching you break your back
 for her
for him


When they ask 
why your spine obeys gravity

tell them you are a seam 
that holds everything together

Being you can mend a heart
Being you can heal

Your heart is never closing
Your warmth is never fading
your soul is ever giving
your eye is ever shining



That night 
when you talked to me
you left a soothing poem in my mouth, 
and you can see some of the lines 
every time  your eyes settle here

That night 
when you talked to me
you left a soothing poem in my mouth
You have been a constant here

Be a constant here
Be my favorite hiding place
Be an open safe
pinky swear
to keep  everything safe

We all have our reasons
 for forgetting to breathe

Collection of my favorite quotes :)

'Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it.'''You are only restrained by the limitations of your own thoughts rather than by external circumstances. Give yourself new options by simply opening your mind.''"Love is absolute loyalty. People fade, looks fade, but loyalty never fades."''maybe,there was a time in our lives where we wanted to fit in, but now we need to learn how to stand out as individuals.'' Remember that YOU are your greatest asset. An asset that will not appreciate naturally with time, but will appreciate as you develop yourself, enhance your abilities and pursue your passions. Stay inspired, challenged and motivated as you tap into your potential.If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile''And it explains why when love comes in its purest form, you almost don’t want it,Because it seems to be like a candleSomething must burn in-order for it to give light'' "We should never become despondent because the weather is bad, nor should we turn triumphalist because the sun shines." “Those who complete the course will do so only because they do not, as fatigue sets in, convince themselves that the road ahead is still too long, the inclines too steep, the loneliness impossible to bear and the prize itself of doubtful value.”  ''Strive not to be a success,but to be of value.''
Be a yardstick of quality. Some people aren't used to an environment where excellence is expected.The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore. –Christopher ColumbusThere's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever.Meredith

Our lives are built on our mistakes as much as our successes.Ellis
''Throw me to the wolves and  will come back leading the pack.'' Anon
TBC

Thank you

So today i call my dad and he is the first person to call me Dr Wada,he is ecstatic and so am I. I can now finally answer the question,when are you coming home with a little certainty,thanks to all those who prayed for me,God saw me through,thanks to my friends who also happen to be my classmates and study buddies.. who pushed me to work when i didn't want to--Tsa Kalahi crew,i wouldn't be here without you,my house mate and now sister from another mother,Tshidi,you are such a blessing love,my mom-i cannot explain what you have been to me this years--you are my hero,my dad--dad thanks for believing in me when i didn't,Mbi--your prayers bro...my whole extended family--cousins--aunts--uncles--my best friend--who cannot be named here :) Mr S,wherever you are,thanks,ke leletse mo go wena ngwana wa batho.Mr Harrynaryn lol...the buff does work with extra tears boy,and yep that exam was a myomectomy screw

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel. 

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right ones, so that when we finally meet the right person we will know how to be grateful for that gift. 

Love is when you take away the feeling, the passion and the romance of relationship and find out you still care for that person.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

When the door of happiness closes another opens but often times we look so long at the closed door but we don't see the one which has been opened for us.
The best kind of friend is the kind you can just be with.. never say a word and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It is true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it but it is also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they love you back. Don't expect love in return, Just wait for it to grow in their heart, but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours!

There are things you'd love to hear, that you will never hear from the person whom you'd like to hear them from. But don't be so deaf as not to hear it from the one who says it from their heart.

Never say goodbye if you still want to try. Never give up if you still feel you can go on. Never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go.

Love comes to those who still hope, although they have been disappointed, to those who still believe, although they have been betrayed, to those who still need to love, although they have been hurt before and to those who have courage and faith to build trust again.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks, they can deceive you; don't go for wealth even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make dark days seem bright. Hope you find the someone that makes you smile.

Author unknown

Femy II

Looking from afar, it’s a little innocent river .A youthful unexperienced virgin of a river.
Those who have been around in not so near ancient times say, it is a harlot .I do not
believe them. What do they know? They are still sprouting. Harlots do not like dealing
with feelings like that river does. Do no ask me how I know. I know, okay! Do not mine
for answers whose truths you cannot handle.
You never really know how deep this twisting cascading river runs, until you take a
close look when it calms. You open a window in your own soul. Look at your own grief.
Look at your own reflection. You claim it. You own it. Every debt it has ever come with.
You see things in that river that can only be seen in things that run that deep. You see
ripples, of sorrow. You see how ripping far and wide your sadness traverses when you
let yourself go.
This beautiful land is stifling. Its gravity dependants are stifling. The despondent state is
stifling and your sadness keeps travelling in circles, stifling like its orbiting your life and
you are some sort of holy king. You could be a king if they allowed it. But here, kings
ought to have queens.
You wonder when exactly this rule started. Who started it? If ever you meet him or her,
you will give him or her a piece of your mind. Serve him or her a platter of your
bitterness. Cut him or her a steak saucy enough to never ever want to go back for more
rules like that. These rules, are they written down in some tablet too, was it handed
down at Mt Sinai too? If only you still had your bible and you could GPS your way to that
truth, you would. Where is it anyway? Some bits did not go down the drain that night did they?
It’s a vague memorabilia sticking from the smoky silhouette of her, passing you bits of torn soft fluff through the toilet door, down your back. Wiping from front to back, like you were taught your kind has to wipe. In the dim candle light, you let go, with a strain, pushing down all of the things you no longer needed. Things you had digested long enough to know with absolute certainty you no longer wanted.

The bible, the beginning, the middle, the end. But you only have the middle. You never know if it will end, how it will end, with whom it will end. Was it something you were fated for? Do we really have a choice? I do not think we do. It is all chance. All chance that you were born you; wherever you are born, to whomever you are born, the way you are born, liking the things that you were born to like. Why do you like the things that you do? I just like. I tried once. To like things you wanted me to like. It was not the same sort of like. It is a like that still leaves your belly hungry, like your intestines are punched inside. Will you to try like what I like and see how that goes, mmh? But what do I know, I’m just me. Lost.

When you stall your search for a queen, people stop to ask, are you really fine. Like really really fine. You say, yes you are fine. That is what people say. Even when they are not really really fine. They just say so, so that people can leave them alone. These people though, they have not met Privacy or Respect-My-Space. Soon, they will meet Boxing-gloves, and My-temper-can-burn-bridges-you-know. You can be all those things...

Femy

Dear Sweet K

Have you heard of the river that swallows lovers here? I doubt you have. Even Raisin Bran’s mouth does not run that fast. Listen, right now, I am your Usain Bolt. I am telling you everything as fast as I can reach the finish line. Lest Raisin Bran beats me to it. Lest he spices everything up to a mixed masala pulp. Lest he sprinkles shades of truth in there. You know Raisin Bran can do that right, and when later you tell people he did that, and they ask him why he did that, he just wipes his mouth, washes his hands and acts all sweet, like the real dried raisin in him should be. Like nothing ever happened and you just made all of this up and everything dirty sticks on you like head lice, don’t you? You know head lice want your blood, like everyone will if they think you made this up right? So, allow me, to be the one who tells you.
Have you been to that raging river? That river were lovers drown but none ever float. That river were everyone is weighed down like you and me. No one knows how heavy they really weigh. The scales are screwed, unbalanced. They don’t calibrate well and when you try to balance them they slide you down. They slide you down, into that treacherous river that meanders like a slithering snake searching for bleeding lovers.
The river runs from the top left corner of Laventille through the thick carpet of the savannah. When it reaches Tunapuna it just nibbles on the rocks, kissing them ever so lightly like it is not that eager to engage in a scandalous French kiss with the stony hard rocks. It waits there: comfortably, patiently, feeling the rocks, playfully teasing. It seems sometimes, it does not want to make out. It seems to be shy, struggling with intimate affection especially in everyone’s presence. This river reminds me of you. Its heart is trembling inside. Fearful for what is to come.

A few things i want this accent to tell you

When my accent cannot say the things my words mean
Remember
I do no apologize for things i have no control over
I do not sink into hiding my own identity
Because the clicks in my own tongue
Do not agree to playing hide and seek
My voice was not meant for this
to insist on walking through life quietly
My voice,my voice has always been a thunderclap
causing storms in unsettled men
men who cant fathom that we all
have
accents

My gratitude list-inspired by an article tittled 99 things I'm grateful for,by brett

My Gratitude List-a few things im grateful for :)

1. I’m grateful I have a computer of my own, debt free so I can write this post.

2. I’m grateful I have the choice to choose my religion or God.

3. I’m grateful that I am in good health and i do what i want when i want with whomever i chose without any limitations and i have made good choices so far.

4. I’m grateful that I can pay my bills, i can pay my rent and i can blog in the safety of my place at 223am about what m grateful for.

5. I’m grateful that I am from a household that has encouraged me to develop my talents and i have had the freedom to choose my own path.

6. I’m grateful that I am from a household where reading was encouraged, because I think I owe a lot of my success to that.I am grateful that my dad and mom recognised my love to read at a young age and  bought me a lot of my toys in the form of mind stimulating books and puzzles.

7. I’m grateful that my decisions and choices are trusted and respected.

8. I’m grateful that I can hear well and see well; well i use spectacles but im still grateful i can see.

9. I’m grateful for my health.

10. I’m grateful that all the injuries I’ve ever sustained in my life have been relatively minor, im grateful i have never had a life threatening accident or ever been extremely sick.

11. I’m grateful for my talents in school,and that i have always done well in all my major exams,and when i had to try again i succeeded.

12. I’m thankful that I am from a country where human rights are upheld-well most :).

13. I’m grateful that I have the ability to connect with a bunch of amazing people via services like Facebook and skype.I am grateful that even though i am shy and find it hard to make friends in real life i still have a few really great life long friends who came up to me and cracked the shyness away.

14. I’m grateful that I live in a relatively peaceful area,and all the violence i have heard of i have not encountered.

15. I’m grateful for my unlimited access to free clean water,within the boundary of my home.

16. I’m grateful for living in an air-conditioned  home.

17. I’m grateful i have never had to go a day without food my entire life 

18. I’m grateful for my family. They’re kind of crazy and a little annoying at times, but I love them because they are good supportive and genuinely caring people.

19. I’m grateful that I was raised right and am a generally good person at heart because of it.

20. I’m grateful for all the times i have come home tired because it shows i did something that day.

21. I’m grateful for my metabolic state,i dont exercise much or diet much but my BMI is still good,im grateful i have time to exercise if i want to.

22. I’m grateful for my ability to learn things and understand them.

23. I’m grateful that I live in a society where I am free to choose my occupation.

24. I’m grateful that I live in a society where I am free to choose who I associate with and who I end up marrying – or if I get married at all.

25. I’m grateful that if I got sick, my family would be able to afford the medications that I’d need to get better.

26. I’m grateful that I have a wonderful boyfriend whom i totally adore.

27. I’m grateful for the realization that I can choose to feel whole, with or without a boyfriend.

28. I’m grateful that there ARE good people in this world who genuinely care about the well being of others.

29. I’m grateful for all those cool “Ah-ha!” moments that have been so important to my personal growth over the years.

30. I’m grateful that I’ve made the right decision hundreds of times.

31. I’m grateful that I’ve made the wrong decision thousands of times, and learned from them.

32. I’m grateful that I can fail at many things and it won’t have any real lasting consequences.

33. I’m grateful that I got into UWI medical school and have managed to enter y final lap.

34. I’m grateful that, when I’ve been true to myself, I’ve succeeded; and that when I’ve not been true to myself, I’ve failed and i have learnt soo much about my strengths and weaknesses.

35. I’m grateful that vulnerability is actually a sign of strength, and that authenticity is celebrated.

36. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to write poetry,short stories and have had a positive audience.

37. I’m grateful that I know I’ll be able to make my dreams come true… It’s only a matter of ‘when’, not ‘if’.

38. I’m grateful that I have online sermons to listen to when im done anytime of the day.

39. I’m grateful that I’ve been around a lot of great influencers over the years… Without them, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

40. I’m grateful that I’ve learned to be okay with my own weakness.

41. I’m grateful that there are thousands of people who are trying to make a positive difference in the world – and are succeeding.

42. I’m grateful that I can choose whether to eat healthily and unhealthily and i have the discipline most of the time to do the right thing.

43. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to write this post undisturbed.

44. I’m grateful for my 25years i have been on this earth.

45. I’m grateful for all that the public education system has done for me, even though I sometimes secretly wish i could have attended a private school.

46. I’m grateful for the Internet – without it, I really don’t know where I’d be in my life. Honestly. It has influenced me more than anything else – in incredibly positive ways.

47. I’m grateful i have enough to survive.

48. I’m grateful that people I’ve never met can comment on my work.

49. I’m grateful for the opportunity to communicate and entertain people with my work .

50. I’m grateful for all the suffering I’ve gone through, since it’s made me appreciate everything so much more.

51. I’m grateful that my parents are alive.

52. I’m grateful that my parents are still married in this day and age when divorces are so rampant.

53. I’m grateful that I’m constantly learning that life is a lifelong process of learning.

54. I’m grateful that I have everything I need – food, clothes, shelter…and even a bit of luxury

55. I’m grateful that I’m living in the best period in the history of human existence – more people have a standard of living that simply blows away every other part of human history.

56. I’m grateful that I live in a capitalist economy, for all its faults and shortcomings.

57. I’m grateful that I have, for the most part, good habits.

58. I’m grateful that like-minded people can get together without anyone stopping them (at least, in this country).

59. I’m grateful that I’ve learned that I no longer have much to fear from life.

60. I’m grateful that I’m alive.

61. I’m grateful that I’ve been blessed with good genes, overall.

62. I’m grateful that I am who I am, and that I’m nobody else.

63. I’m grateful that there are people who care about me.

64. I’m grateful that I could start my own business today if I wanted to.

65. I’m grateful that people can tell when people are being honest and genuine (most of the time).

66. I’m grateful ti have friends i care about and who care about me.

67. I’m grateful that I have the time to just sit and meditate or think about things.

68. I’m grateful that I’m mentally healthy.

69. I’m grateful that I am not involved with drugs in any way.

70. I’m grateful that I can order nearly any good I want and have it delivered to my door within a couple weeks at the most, thanks to the Internet.

71. I am grateful for the 'buff' my lecturers give,it makes me work harder :)

72. I’m grateful for all the help I’ve gotten over the years – even when I haven’t asked for it.

73. I’m grateful that i have travelled to soo many countries in such a short span of time.

74. I’m grateful that I can listen to music while I work… Without needing musicians in the same room as me. Digital music is truly awesome.

75. I’m grateful that I have a nice house mate i get along with very well.

76.I am grateful happiness is a choice.

77. I’m grateful that many people are forgiving.

78. I’m grateful that I’ll be able to sit back and say, “Life is good,” when today’s over.

79. I’m grateful for death, since it makes life so much more meaningful.

80. I’m grateful that phones exist and i can talk to my loved ones even when im oceans away.

81. I’m grateful that I live in a country where people welcome foreigners and xenophobia does not exist.

82. I’m grateful that I am a thinker at heart.

83. I’m grateful for all the opportunities I’ve had so far in my life.

84. I’m grateful that I’ve always put in the hard work when I’ve had to.

85. I’m grateful that there are people whose talents humble me every day – it’s incentive to work harder.

86. I’m grateful that i am not a quitter no matter how hard things get.

87. I’m grateful that I have a good set of values.

88. I’m grateful that I don’t live in a religious household or one where dogma rules all.

89. I’m grateful that I have such a clear vision of what I want my life to look like when I get older.

90. I’m grateful that I’ll have the ability to be touched by so many people and, at the same time, touch so many other people’s lives.

91. I’m grateful that I have not had a major tragedy strike  my family.

92. I’m grateful that most people around me actually want the best for me and want to see me succeed.

93. I’m grateful that I’ve been able to read so many books over the years.

94. I’m grateful that i chose a proffession im generally happy in.

95. I’m grateful that i have never been fearful that my world well be engulfed by World War III,and that though im from Africa,i have not experienced any of the stereotypes associated with my continent like war or blood diamonds.

96. I’m grateful for all the advances in modern medicine that have made life as we know it possible.

97. I’m grateful that its always raining here and still the sun shines through.I am not a big fan of cold weather.

98. I’m grateful that i have enjoyed my life so far.

99. I’m grateful that i have a grateful heart.

It hurts to love you

My mum says ,love is a landmine you never go searching for
unless you are ready to die.I know she is right.But we've lost us in the maze
so many times,we've forgot how to put back the puzzle of this broken hearts together
So i have been searching for you
But every-time i think i've found you
i sieve through the good times
i see the trailer of every hurt play like a flash back before us
i hear your words wrap around my heard
hear them pound and pound like a gong
shouting,this is it,we are done
But i'm never ready to hear you say your goodbyes
 even when you say
 the future is a  haze
even when you say no strings attached
I call it a passing phase
Even when you serve a cold platter of your dying heart
We eat  through the silence
through the pain of falling
and we say
this is love
its supposed to hurt
some days are supposed to be good,but most days are bad
but what is love
if we turn our lives into knots that tie us
 bind us,tangle us , till it  hurts to love us
it hurts to love us
the way it hurts to swallow the truth that glares back at us in the dark
there is no shelter on our porch
no welcome mat to your ribcage
There is no place to hold my heart
in your freezer chest
till we bury our hurt in a cemetry so filled with a Forrest of forgiveness
we can only lose ourselves in the peace
and every heart beat is a note singing to us
to heal the hurt that hurts us
and when they ask why we stay
when it hurts to love us
we say
it hurts more not to love us

When the weather stops changing

I have been stripping away coats of my history
where I come from, the cold bites through your bones
shatters and shakes your very being
you keep every piece of your body sheltered
away from the reach of intimacy
lest the cold reaches the mesh that holds your heart together
keeps you tangled in doubt of whether this world was ever meant to be warm enough
it takes guts to lean on somebody's spine
it takes guts to let secrets float

trust is a crack made by a builder's boulder truck
passing in the path of your search for a soul mate
but when your rain comes
it fixes the crack
grows a rose of forgiveness
a tulip of letting go

you let a thick carpet of lush bloom
where i can rest in the shade of your protection
you have been watering the break in my heart
so when the weather changes
and a storm hits
turns the tide and throws you off balance
when the ship of your love starts sinking
i hope i will be strong enough
i hope i will be the rescue you have been searching for
i hope my gut tremble will  be earthquake strong enough
to turn every fear of sinking into bravery
to stretch my arms to hold you
to never think of letting go

when you need your space
i hope i will have the courage to let you travel into space
without fear of your non return
i hope i will trust
that you will find the truth you are mining for
and bring the treasure of your search
for a time when the weather stops changing

A writer's dream

As the new year unsheds its hours,and spreads its days,i find my writer hunger pangs lingering around and causing me unrest.I'm searching for short story competitions to enter.I love the idea of a somewhat busy schedule.It keeps me on my toes.I love deadlines to meet.Fortunately,I found something to keep me busy for a while on wikipedia. So the young writer in me is awakened.My imagination is free to create characters. I'm free to create new beings without the pain of labour--in a way i do get ''labor pain,'' but i would have that any day,for my writer friends who are interested in entering a  competition,i have copied the wiki link for you below. Happy productive writer's year.
http://www.worldcitystories.com

New year's resolutions: the things we want

As we begin a new year,we resolve to achieve things.We write down our hearts' desires,we write down goals,we ask the universe to be kind to us. I'm not immune to this phenomenon.So i'm asking the world to be kind,to be humorous,to be soft spoken to me,I'm asking for the earth to bless me, to see me through,to give me a year worth living for.I'm asking for stability,commitment,for new doors to open for me,for my entry into the career i have be working hard for, I'm asking for the continuity of friendships,for the strengthening of bonds,for love to dwell in my mist,for my family to be kept safe, for my spirit to be kind,for my soul to be more generous,i'm asking for my face to light up in smile, to light up the world,for me to nag less,to be more understanding,more considerate,to walk with my head held high,to be optimistic about life,to worry less,to demand less,to be more tolerant,more accepting,to use my God given gifts,to love myself more,to love others just as much,to accept the person i am,to accept  the person i am not,I am asking to be more than i ever thought i could be,i'm asking for humility to dwell in me,for respect and love,and nurturing and a persevering spirit to be my companions.I am asking for determination to stay within me,for focus,for aptitute and a good attitude.Im am asking to be thirsty to live.To be alive more than i have ever been.I am asking for God to make me a better team player,to manage my time more efficiently,to hold less grudges,to commit less sin, to see the beauty in ordinary everyday encounters,to be blessed in the relationships i form,to bless the friendships,and to form lifelong lasting friendships.

But mostly i'm asking for God to let my life follow in the path i am destined to follow.