Dear Sweetheart

Dear sweetheart
aka pumpkin ,aka peaches,aka babes
aka honey,aka the sugar in my tea,aka hubby aka
i need you now

I need you, my safety pin

i need to come home to you
so you could pick out the splinters that fly out
with the words in their mouths

they  hurt you know

i keep breaking

i keep breaking in places where i thought i was healing before

so on those  days
when i need to feel better about my self
i want to come home to you
to your teddy bear hug

to see you fix me and watch the light in your eye
 shine away the  darkness in my soul
that the only thing i end up feeling sorry  for
is the shortness of our God given  lifespan together

i need your eyes
to see me as you see me

Beautiful


you are my gut
you are my bravery
you are my spine

you make  me believe that

everything in the presence of my  being increases in worth
cause
 you are so incredibly out o fthis world
valuable
TO ME

splinters

it is hard to hold a conversation with a man
who carries splinters in his  mouth
i told you once
you could be
a good man

Screen shift

So,this past week has been ardous.My much beloved Toshiba decided its going get a screen shift.(I  mean seriously,out of all the busiest weeks of my entire academic life you choose this particular week,Toshiba.Why the mean spirit man.Anyway,i still love you Tosh,hope you recover soon.)To make matters worse,my eye sight out of nowhere decides to be a pain too.I have been getting this peri-orbital pain,and a bit of  retro-orbital pain too.I think i have dengue--My friends don't seem to agree though.They think its just another event of med school syndrome i was going through.I did have a stressful few events to their credit i must say. A few presentations to do this week so i wont be totally suprised if they are right.I don't enjoy public speaking and everytime i have to speak or present one of this power point presentations i get one of these funny issues going on with my body.This morning i thought i had a urinary tract infection cause of the number of times i so wanted to use the bathroom.I also thought i had ovarian torsion and a renal calculi.I dont know why when i am making a self diagnosis im never logical enough to chose a  more believable condition.Like seriously,the pain i was feeling wasn't even close to 5/10 but there i was self diagnosing myself.Anyway,for all the late nights i had to endure this week ,i getting a holiday tommorrow.Thank you Trinidad and Tobago for being such a holiday filled country.I needed the break.

Lie to me

Lie to me

When I  call at midnight.Pick up.Tell me you were just  dreaming of  me.Tell me, you miss my voice.Tell me, I am the best thing that ever happened to you.Let me sleep with a heart ballooning with how lucky I am  to have you.Let your, ‘’you know I always come back home to you '',comfort me.Let me bask in the sun rays of your well thought out lies.Even if I catch you with her,deny it.Tell me,my eyes are  seeing  things that don’t exist.Say it over and over again till I hear it soo many times I start to believe you.Let me crave for the beauty of a dying marriage held in one beautiful lie.Teach her ,to always be your back up.To never burst my bubble.To be your alibi.Teach her to be content with being second best.After all,she enjoys you at your very  best , never sees you at your lowest point.When you have a child with her.Abandon them so softly it feels like you are coming right back.When she talks about child maintenance and all, threaten her.Tell her if ever your  wife finds out,she  will rot in jail.This is what it means to be a man.This is what it means to protect your family.This is what it means .Tell her ,If I catch you again,and by some courage she learns to find her tongue buried somewhere in her lust and tells of how you desired her,of how despite her shooing you off like a bastard dog,the one that holds its tail between its legs ,you will hang your head in shameful shame my heart will soften for you. After all ,your boys have already given you a name,they call you dawg, dont they.Tell her you know of ways you can soften me up.Tell her,your boys will laugh that you got caught.Tell her,all you will lose is their respect for not being able to keep things hidden from your wife. Lie to me.Protect the cracks in my swelling dam.I hold so much of you in my walls.You need me.I am your catchment area.Every secret that makes the very soul of you is within this big body you no longer desire to drink from.You now search for streams that momentarily quench your thirst.You have forgotten how hard it is to build a dam.You have forgotten what it means to walk  for days in search of life saving water so you take your greedy belly ,let it touch  places it was never meant to touch.Lie to me.Tell me you love me.Lie to me.Kill me with every lie.Lie to me.Sip my dignity.Sip my life.Sip every bone of health that holds my spine.Show me how one treats goodluck


inspired by Shane Mack's song  lie to me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeOWh0ZJQ2Q

but now all you have is you, carrying yourself like hearse ,with a dead soul inside

I wrote this based on incidences where couples have lost each other on their wedding day.I was thinking how sad it is to lose someone on the day when your forever was just supposed to be beginning and how hard it must be to accept that the person is really gone.It goes

when his ringing tone rang on and on,unanswered for weeks
you came over to my house, resigned in your walk
i had never seen a young woman age so soon 
when you had barely been soo in your teens
you hurried your way towards a death that kept picking the ones you loved before you
i had never seen a body so stricken with grief
i had never seen a group of cells so eager to commit suicide at one go
with every heavy breath you took i listened to the hate you let in with every shallow breath of oxygen
at times i pondered how many more breaths you would take before the bags under your eyes burst
and let your sorrow sink his flesh deeper and deeper into this heartless earth
i counted the times your lungs deflated with every breath
i counted every breath you had hoped eternity with him would bring
i keep thinking of the both of you even today
you said only if he was breathing and you could ask him why he had to leave so soon
but now all you have is you, carrying yourself like hearse ,with a dead soul inside
you keep telling yourself loyalty sometimes goes beyond the vows of till death do you part
but i hope you hear our plea
that though sadness never really ends
your grief someday will wane
like the waves of an ocean kissing a bank do
though it keeps coming to awaken the memories where your lives met at one time
and though you can never forget
you have to live this life for the both of you
breath in his part of oxygen if that's the only way to get back at a death that keeps picking
what you need to survive