like death,creeping on a walking corpse

someday,you will be sitting in a doctor's office
when the image of a family trip floods you
his touch will be insidious and cold 
like death,creeping on a walking corpse
you will squirm into the background
will remember what mama told you
will know the price of private parts before you pay the price
your body will give under pressure like a bridge under water
fear will rape you,brutally,like death rapes life from a still born
do not think for one second
its not your fault
will feed your future dreams with many night mares
will plant difficult relationships with any man you will ever love
will remember the law of attraction
we get what we ask for
you will have a De Javu
will live and relive this memory
will try to rewrite this memory and stop this memory
will hold his hand down
will plead with fear filled eyes
will plead with eyes filled with fear
will plead
will wet yourself and pray that your urine is hot enough
or pungent enough
to turn his appetite off enough
will ask him to consider and reconsider letting you put on a year atleast
do not think for one second it is his fault
will want to have many children
will not want your own
will not want to give birth
will want to adopt
will hover over them like a hen over her chicks
will not want to repeat the same mistake
will not take family trips
will not leave your babies under the care of a stranger
will know no precaution is safe enough
will ask for a tubal ligation at 13
will adopt at 28
will not let love creep at your doorstep
in case it asks too much
incase it asks
whats left inside
your first period will be heavy,a bloody brutal reminder of how childhood is lost so quickly
will watch blood trickle in between your thighs
will be painless
and numb
like the first time
you were a one dollar store
where he came and took as he pleased
you will know
the face of PTSD
before you see it
you will know